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Is it better to choose a college roommate with more in common with me
Is it better to choose a college roommate with more in common with me, or one who is more religious?
(sorry this is long, i just really need help and i really appreciate all genuine answers)
I want to be more religious, but at the same time I think I need to learn how to have fun. Both girls were nice to me last semester, even when I became really depressed and tried to hide it. I have similar interests with one of the girls, but I don't think she's religious. While the other girl, she has many friends and is very religious, but I don't have much in common with her. I can't tell if that girl really wants to be my friend, either.. when I dropped from the class we were both in it was kind of like she was looking down on me for it, or something. But she'd still be really peppy to me at the same time? What if I ask her to be roommates and she rejects and it makes our "friendship" awkward? Or if we become roommates and then we end up being driven apart? I want to learn to be more social and have meaningful relationships, because I've realized that I need to get closer with my faith and realize my current limitations and needs. I want to learn what it's like to be friends with other people, because I think it will help me a lot. I learned a lot from my last roommate, who was very different than me, as she was a foreign exchange student, but I didn't feel I could really connect with her. I mean, on one level we connected, but I wanted to have a friend I could talk about my interests and everything with her understanding. I haven't truly had a best friend like that before. Not for a very long time. I just closed myself off to people, and it was a vicious cycle til I couldn't feel happiness or pain. If it weren't for my realization last semester where I realized I was being ungrateful and self centered, I wouldn't have seen a reason to live. And now I'm trying to stay humble and learn.. you know, really listen! I think my heart hardened in the past as a defense mechanism, due to feeling really lonely and out of place while growing up. Idk. Like I had this perfectionist mindset, that I had to achieve things and be recognized by others to be happy. I still struggle with this, and I now wonder how I should change my habits to improve my life, and also not become prideful. When I felt my very worst, last semester, one night when I just wanted to escape from myself because I hated actions so much, I prayed and felt the most serene peace. I think about it everyday now. It's hard for me to explain but I've never felt that.. I felt like a very young child again, free from worry and what not. I was afraid of demons in the room and kept feeling anxious but I could finally sleep peacefully while playing christian music to keep my mind in the right place. For the first time then I opened the bible and started reading and words started to make sense. I couldn't believe it, because before, happy, religious people really pissed me off. Cause I couldn't understand it. I was agnostic. Wow, so I'm going all over the place with this question but I really don't know what to do. I still sometimes catch myself falling into my old traps, with perfectionism, so would it be better if I chose a roommate who could teach me how to have fun and develop relationships with others? or one who knows more about scripture? maybe the more christian one is nice but i'm interpreting her the wrong way. I dont know. same with the girl I have interests with.. like maybe she has the same interests but I can learn from her mindset better? she's really music oriented like me, and it's rare for me to find people to talk to about music at my school. i think god provided me with music to try to lift my spirit during high school, cause when i look back at my high school years music was by far the thing giving me the energy to get through each schoolday. I was blinded by my self hate that I couldn't see my many other blessings, but that was one that I acknowledged, you know, so it has a place in my heart. I'm not an elitist or anything, but it's just fun to talk about common interests you know? should i feel guilty for that? she also is good at an instrument i want to learn to play. It just freaks me out when people have common interests with me. I tend to be drawn to homely, unassuming people, because I feel like they won't judge me and what not, so I feel comfortable enough to be myself and not rigid. When something is too good I over question it and I think maybe it's too good and that's not good? Idk. Like I've even been thinking that maybe I should become a nun, but then I get confused because I don't understand the purpose of the sacrament of marriage. If god favors nuns who practice celibacy then why did adam need eve? is this just more pridefulness, that I can do things on my own? I realize that I can't do that anymore, but I don't know how to change. I've been trying to learn as much as I can through this site, other catholic sites, and by reading the bible, but I'm kind of overwhelmed and feel like there's so much more to learn and I accept I won't know everything, but I just want to learn a lot so that I can be a better person to myself and others. Like I used to reject people closest to me.. I mean I wanted their love but I never felt like I deserved it. It's very hard for me to explain. I still sometimes fall into that trap and consciously think of how god influences many things in the world that i didn't know before. i'm also kind of afraid of learning more, like pursuing a career to make a lot of money and do good works, all in the name of the lord, but i'm afraid if that is pride? i want to make money but give most of it to charity, but is it prideful for me to think I am capable of doing that, when many people, when they become rich, become more prideful and what not? i really dont want to go to hell. it's like i'm just going in circles. my second semester of university just started and i cant spend all day looking up how to live my life through christ, and im a baptised catholic but rarely went to church and didn't think it was relevant. i used to think it was smarter to be atheist too. i know now suffering brings us closer to christ, and it just.. like right when i think i've understood things, i get put back in my place. is this normal? will it happen all my life? how am i thinking wrong? i just dont want to get depressed again and let down my parents for all the hard work and love they have for me. i know they love me but it's like i dont know how to feel it. they worked a lot while i grew up so i spent a lot of time home on the computer, from the age of 8. it's easier for me to spill my heart to strangers like this than to someone who knows me personally and its something i need to change. it's always easier for me to relate to others online than in real life, because i think im not afraid of rejection online. gah, what do I do? im a college freshman btw
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Wow, that WAS long, wasn't it?
Ok, listen. You don't have to share your room with a religious person to be moved by your religion.
This is my thoughts on it:
Choose the fun roommate. You need to get out there and experience the fun side of college. Get out and meet some people. You're having confusion and concerns over your religion and where you stand within it, and I don't think the religious roommate will help matters any. In fact, I'm willing to bet you may face that depression again. You need to get out and enjoy life! Live it up a little! FUN ROOMMATE. That's my opinion on that.
You may or may not want to be a nun. Have you done much living of life? Have you had a boyfriend? I think God favors nuns, not just for their celibacy, but for their sacrifices in order to serve God and the church. Hey, if you want to be a nun, then go for it. But I think you should get out there and experience some life before you decide that. You don't want to regret it later, or start wondering "What If?" and then feeling guilty about that.
I don't think it is pride that you can do things on your own. That's called standing on your own two feet. Its called strength! You are not a weak woman if you can do things on your own. Why should you not be that way anymore?? That is not pride. That is not a sin. God wants his children to be strong.
You feel like you don't deserve the love of others? Do you love yourself? Before you can accept the love of another, you first have to love yourself. You should accept yourself for who you are, and love every inch of you. You sound like a very intelligent, very nice young lady. You are someone who should love herself, and who is absolutely deserving to receive love.
Why should you not pursue a successful career? If that is a goal you achieve, then that is what God has meant for you to do. Wouldn't you agree? That is not pride, it is God's will. Let's say you become successful and make a lot of money. As long as you remember you aren't above anyone, donate to the less fortunate, and continue to follow God's path, then how could that be pride? How could that be sin? You can still be a good person and do good things no matter what your income is.
Of course its easier to spill your heart out to strangers. I'm just words on your computer screen. I don't know the ins and outs of your life to say, "Well, you should be doing this with your life, and "you should be spending your time doing this" and what-not. BUT. I'm also a real person, and I'm looking at your story from way outside your box.
You need religious council. Not with your religious friend, but you need to find a catholic church nearby and seek guidance, ask questions and get answers. If you don't understand the answer, ask for an explanation until you DO understand.
I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope everything works out for you.
I hope I was helpful to you.
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