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What Can I Do to Help This Girl?
Hello!
I have employed two live-in combined nanny girls/housemaid girls/domestic worker girls (who do a lot of worktasks, taking care of our 6 years old daughter, cleaning, cooking, dishwashing/washing, serving and such stuff). For ordinary days, they can wear whatever they want, but special events (like weekends, holidays, parties and such if they're on duty then, I make sure to always have at least one girl on duty every day), I require them to wear a white blouse with a black skirt with a belt and some black shoes, short-length white apron is worn over the skirt (I pay for all these clothes, even extra sets), since I think it's important that they dresses nice, and show a good behaviour.
The girls are 16 and 18 years old, and I know both of them dislike it, but as employees, they have to do this. The youngest girl, who has just been in my employment for some months, seems to be very nervous when it comes to this (serving while dressed in a white blouse with a black skirt).
The first time she was serving, she accidentally spilled over her blouse collar. I told her to immediately dry up, and go putting on a new blouse. After doing as I said, and she apologized. I told her everything was OK, but she maybe would need a little bit more training.
The upcoming times, the younger girl seemed very nervous when serving, but I thought it was just at the start. The girl continued to act what I thought was carless, one time spilling on her left blouse pocket. Some weeks later, I told her to sit down for a meeting, and told her that I can accept her doing mistakes as long as she always do her best, but I can't accept her acting careless.
I soon found out that she was still nervous when serving. I told her just to take a breath, calm down and concentrate at the serving. The girl said she disliked being required to wear those clothes, but I said she has to wear them.
She was sad, but I tried to comfort her, and said that she could train away it. I went to our living room, and told her to come out with a tray, starting in her ordinary clothes. She did it everything well. Soon, I told her to put on the blouse and skirt. I made sure she had done all buttons, and put the blouse inside the skirt and that stuff.
I told her to come out with a tray once again, but now she said she was nervous again. After some training, the girl started to cry, and said she couldn't help it. But as she told she tried to do her best, I just said she would need more training. Then I told her every time she had done everything well.
But still, everything was as usual again, so I summoned for her another meeting, where I also summoned the older girl, who I employed earlier, and told her if she could give the younger girl any tips. I can't recall the older girl being that nervous from the start (except just the first times, but not weeks and months later.) The older girl, who also has spilled sometimes, just said there is nothing to be nervous for, just focus.
What can I do to help the younger girl calming down? I have made one thing for sure: As long as these girls work in my house, they will have to wear white blouse and black skirt for serving, and that's nothing they can change. I know they don't like it, but that's not what I want them to do, just accept it (without complaining). But as she seems to try doing her best, I still want to know how to handle this, hoping she will get less nervous.
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Thank you, Xokristabelle. First of all, I will keep her in the white blouse no matter what she thinks, but yes, some black pants would be maybe a good alternative (not sweatpants, of course) to a black skirt. I agree and say that when worn with a white blouse, some black better-looking pants looks nice. But first, I need more talking with her.
But if so, would I change the clothing rules just for her, or both of them? (as I said, I pay for the clothes, but the girls are responsible for keeping them clean and pure, wash and iron, and tell me if the clothes get torn, so new sets of similar clothes can be ordered) What I believe in even more is training. Would be great to establish some "training program" for her when it comes to this. (I have time, but don't know how to form it to fit well.) Actually, it's the same when it comes to meetings. I often summon the girls to work-related meetings, and to the meetings, they're usually required to put these clothes on (except that apron isn't required for meeting, and she can't be afraid of spilling at the meeting...). It seems like the younger girl mostly when wearing the serving outfit seems to just sit on her chair looking down, talking less, and slower. It's the same sometimes when I say the girls can eat with us (and they officially are on work-hours), which I think is a good way to establish better communications with them. If it's just an ordinary breakfast or daytime lunch, they wear their ordinary clothes, but if that happens in evening or so, I think they should look a little bit more representative and wear the serving outfits. One evening some days before Christmas, I told the girls they could eat with my family, just sit down, talk, laugh, relax and have some fun. But I said they should wear serving outfits (they officially had work-time, so they had to serve first, and pick up after). We sat for almost 2 hours. The older girl talked and socialized. The younger said almost nothing, just answering some questions, and thanked me right after for the food.
I asked some questions today and yes, she dislikes having to wear nice clothes. (doesn't seem to have with body to do). I've told her she doesn't need to be afraid of spilling on her serving outfit, just apologize, which she usually does (and if it's clear it isn't her fault at all, not even that, just go to her room and change serving outfit, and throw the other outfit in the wash, maybe even drying up), especially since I know what's up with her. (I would never fire her for this or deduct her wage or something or say anything mean, and she knows that. Not even if she breaks glass, I've told her.). Yes, I raised my voice a little bit in the beginning, but I was never rude or screaming, I just thought she seemed to act with carelessness when serving in the beginning, which wasn't her style otherwise (not that she was an overall careless person, which she isn't, and neither the other one), but since first time she told my she was nervous, I didn't even say that again.
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Why haven't you asked the poor girl why she is so uncomfortable in her serving outfit?
I'm sure she has a reason.
Perhaps she is just not used to having nice clothes and afraid of messing them up.
However, maybe she is self-conscious about her body and is uncomfortable being seen in a skirt. Why can't you just have them wear some nice black pants instead? It's more practical and will still look nice.
It sounds like she is really scared of you- maybe you need to think about why that is. An unhappy employee will not do a good job and may seek out another job. Remember that they are helping you and treating them rudely will not benefit anyone.
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I can understand that you want them looking sharp for special events. However, if something about the uniforms make them feel uncomfortable LISTEN. It's better to reach a compromise than have your workers upset, resentful and not liking work.
You'll find the girl and her co-worker's productivity will go up and mistakes decrease if you relax your stance and aren't as strict with her and them. All you really want is for them to look put together when at an event. That's not unreasonable.
Instead of the white blouse and black skirt ask them what they feel comfortable in that looks sharp and professional. Have them show you, go shopping with them and see what they pick. It doesn't have to be identical either.
If you ask them to find something business casual or business like that they can live with than you've solved a lot of problems. This crap (and it is) about as long as they work here they have to wear that uniform is getting you nowhere.
The girl is doing her best but is clearly frightened of you and the attitude and although focused slips up as she has no confidence in herself. I think if she spills something etc. don't make a big deal of it. Her performance if she's comfortable with you will improve. Give it time but if she was honest with you it's clear you frighten her.
Loosen up! Chuck the self-important rich type attitude and learn how to bend already. Get rid of this as long as they work here garbage and compromise so everyone is 100% happy. There's a lot they both can teach you when it comes to what is important.
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