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My boyfriend won't stop fingering me to let me return the favour
We’re both 18 and we’ve been dating for about 7-8 months and it started off brilliantly. Now, I don’t know whether it’s just me or whether something is up between us. He likes to finger me a lot (sorry to put it bluntly) and I like him to do it but he won’t let me return the favour afterwards unless I do it to him at the same time as he's fingering me. I find it hard to do two things at once and I tend to enjoy it less. He used to lay back, let me give him handjobs and stuff & I love giving him handjobs and blowjobs but now as soon as I start touching him, he’ll turn me over and start fingering me which tends to get painful, especially if he’s already been doing it for a while. I’ve told him it hurts and asked him if I can have a break and if I can pleasure him for a bit but he says it’s not fair unless he’s doing it to me at the same time. I know I’m probably not brilliant at it because he’s my first boyfriend but he won’t tell me what he likes and he’s always silent when we're making out so I don’t know whether he’s enjoying it or not (that's something else I'm a bit worried about). It's making me a bit unhappy and it really stops me being in the mood at the time. I do feel lucky to have him want to pleasure me (but just not ALL the time!) Should I just accept it?
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Ok so I am a guy and I went through this with one of my ex girls . Some guys don't get off on blow jobs and its not saying you doing it wrong but sometimes it just dosnt really work for you , and playing with your girl friend while getting a blow job can be more stimulating then just laying back . I myself don't seam to get any real feeling from it and would never like having a blow job , but telling my ex that would make her upset as she really wanted to make me feel good so I would always just play with her and not really let her do the same to me . Just talk to your man and ask him, and tell him how you feel ?
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No! Absolutely do not just sit back and 'accept it', especially not if its hurting you. That is never an okay plan.
Instead, sit him down and tell him all this again, at a private moment while you both still have your clothes on. Take some of the pressure of 'performing' off of you both and just talk about.
He's not hearing you, and that's a problem. It's practically a bigger problem then the fact he's not talking to you about his interest (or lack thereof) in having you perform oral sex on him.
You can remind him that you aren't a fragile little fool who will crumble if he tells you that you aren't a blowjob queen. You can ask him to tell you what is working and what isn't... But you've got to DEMAND that he listens to you when you say something hurts. That's nonnegotiable in a healthy, respectful relationship.
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Hmm, maybe he feels like he doesn't want to be a burden on you. Like that if you start doing something to him, he has to start doing it to you so that he's not being "greedy" .. Sometimes, when my boyfriend is trying to do stuff to me I stop him because (it hurts) and even when I like it (which I do) I start doing it to him and guide him away from me because I don't want him to think it's all about me. Maybe that's how he feels. Or maybe he just likes pleasing you more.. But if he is hurting you, make him stop. That's never okay. You always want to feel comfortable.
But you definitely need to be straight up and ask him about this. The only way you'll know why he's doing what he's doing is if you ask him yourself. Don't just accept it, fix it ! And the only way to do this is by talking to him ! Communication is key :)
Good luck ! xxo
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