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how to rebuild this relationship with my dad: I don't know who to talk to or what to do next?
me and my dad have a broken relationship. we've had our ups and downs, but now it feels like he is constantly slating me. he says the things behind my mums back so she doesnt believe me. i self harm and have attempted suicide and really dont know what to do next. tonight has been the third time that ive tried to confront him after he called me a 'goth'-something i found quite offensive...after all i wear barley any black, and listen to pop music. he denied all allegations again, and i ended up self harming again. im scared of him. and i dont know what to do or say or who to talk to now, please help me
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. As children we see our dad's are someone who should protect us, support us, and be there for us. Unfortunately, that does not always happen. Take it from personal experience. You can not change your dad. As hard as it may seem to understand that, no one can change him. The funny thing is, as you get older you'll begin to realize his words, actions, and attacks towards you can only do so much to affect your life, because he's not in control. You are. He can't do anything besides, drive you mad, and hurt you emotionally, which can all be solves in a safe place talking to someone, or writing all of this down. He has absolutely no power, or control over you. Though it seems intimidating, think about this. Did your dad maybe have a rough childhood, traumatic experience, or maybe someone spoiled him too much, tortured him too much? There was no balance in his life? Either it was really bad, or so good it made him resentful? Your dad is going through his own storm. I say, ignore his and weather your storm out. Your the more important one. As you begin to realize you can't change him, or force anything to happen, and that reconnecting is a two way street, and focus on yourself, you'd be surprised how the opportunities to connect with him will come up in random unexpected ways, because you will start to connect with him, and not who you want him to be. You'd like him to be a mature, normal dad, but right now, it sounds like that's not in him. You can not change that, sad as it is, because truly he's only hurting himself.
It's easier to run away from all of this by harming yourself, but I promise you, it's not worth it. It only moves you closer towards being seen as a victim, rather then a survivor, and you are a survivor, or else you wouldn't have bravely reached out for help. You might want to start writing things down. Whenever you feel like it. I've found that even writing stuff on scrap paper when no one's around, shredding it, then throwing it away can be totally refreshing. You also might want to reach out to a councilor, a close family member, or good friend. Someone you can trust to talk about what's been going on in your own life, and taking a break to look over your own feelings, instead of letting his words dictate them.
Just know you are not alone. Sadly, we can not choose are parents, but we can choose to not let our parents unhealthy behavior dictate our lives. You're too kind to let his garbage bring your down. It's time to focus on loving you right now, and stepping away from him. Over time, you'll see that a relationship will build, and because you are focused on your life, and not focused on him, there will be a change where you can develop your own relationship between you, and him. It may not be completely healthy, or perfect, but it's your relationship with him. Once you get the fog cleared from your eyes, you'll begin to see him for who he is; with his vices and virtues.
Hang in there, stay strong, and my very best wishes that everything works out. I hope this helped :)
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