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Will I be able to marry my Muslim boyfriend?
Hello, F/17
I have been with my Muslim boyfriend for 6 months now. Although not a very long time, we are both very happy with each another and often talk about our life together in the future. I'm a white, non-muslim woman and he is a Pakistani Muslim. His parents don't know about us, I know we are very quite young, but I would like him to tell his parents about us, but I think he's just too scared. Obviously because I'm white, I would convert into Islam, infact I'd love to convert. He says his family would approve if I converted, but if I didn't then they wouldn't approve. Like I said, I'd love too. I'm unsure whether this is all worth it, I mean I do love him, we have been friends for years & now started to date 6 months back... How do I go about all this? Telling our families, working it all out as a family together?
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Before you get engaged, before you convert 'for him' - hell, before you even go out on another date - you both need to be honest with your parents about your relationship.
Are you going to be able to marry this guy and have a family together?
No. Not if he is so terrified of telling his parents he's dating someone. If he can't tell them about you, as you are now, a white non-Muslim girl, then you have very, very little hope of a mature, respectful partnership in the future.
He might be right to be scarred - but here's the sticky part - if he is actually too frightened to tell his parents about you, then he shouldn't be dating you. If he can't be honest with his parents, then he is not mature enough to be in respectful and honest relationship with you.
If you are interested in being with him forever, or in converting, those are great things to be thinking about and discussing, however, those are long term plans and in order for them to have ANY chance of coming true, first you need to be sensible and respectful 16 year olds, and both tell your parents about your relationship. That is step number one. Everything else follows from that act of honesty.
If he doesn't take the relationship seriously enough to tell his parents and stand up for his own choice, then his parents will have no reason to take the relationship seriously either, and they will resent both of you for your dishonesty - and although they might be wrong to disapprove of you because of your religion or race - it will be perfectly just of them to disapprove of being lied too.
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You have been dating for 6 months and you are already talking about marriage?..
Yes he is scared because in the Islamic world they believe in dating in their own kind. They are about their culture, rarely do they date others.
To think about converting this soon is crazy. I dated someone Jewish for 5 years and didn't think about the possibility of converting until my 4th year. It is a very serious and long process that requires a lot of time and studying. This isn't something you should just jump into like that.
Another note; you have not even met his parents yet. Acceptance plays a big role on a relationship and while you may marry one...you marry the whole family. Slow down or you will ruin your relationship.
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