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Can I continue this relationship if I dont trust him???
Ok so here it is. My boyfriend and I have been having alot of trouble with our relationship the last few months. We have been dating for almost a year and a half now and have lived together pretty much since the beginning.A few months into the relationship I started noticing a few things with him. He would be very secretive. For the first 5 months he wasnt working. He was having a hard time finding a job so things were financially tough for us as I had to pay for everything. I had no problem doing so as long as he showed he was trying. During this time he would come and go whenever he pleased. He would be gone doing I dont know all day long and always have a reason to skip out in the evening. I wasnt too worried as I was very happy with him. He treated me like gold and was very sweet. Said all the right things. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me.
Once he finally got a job things started to change. I noticed he started getting upset when he had to contribute to the rent, bills, food, gas etc. He felt as if he should be able to spend his money whichever way he wanted and if he couldnt help it was not an issue to him. I never once said he had to spend every dime on us but I was at the point of wanting some help financially. When we got together I had a savings and at that point because I was the main one supporting us it was all spent.
Anyway this summer I started noticing that when his cell would ring he wouldnt let me see who it was even when he was sitting right next to me he would get up and move right away.
He would spend over an hour in the bathroom and take his cell in with him. After seeing some weird behaviour by him and also hearing some things from some people, Like when he crashed my car and begged me to take the rap which I did for him he told friends that I was just a girl, just a friend :( Anyway one night I was cleaning our room and came accross a piece of paper with his email address password. I knew it was wrong but I went on his email. I needed to know if he was hiding anything and boy was I right!
I saw that he was on dating sites looking for casual encounters. I saw he had TONS of Private messages from girls through facebook. All that he was flirting talking about how he wanted to F*** them! And asking them for their digits and if they were single. He never once said he had a girlfriend.
All this time I thought we were happy. He said Im the love of his life. We were a family, so I thought.
So when I confronted him on this he got VERY mad and defensive. Blaming me for his wrong doing. All he said for a reason why he was doing it was that he didnt know why and it didnt go any further than texing, phone calls or facebook.
One night I had him drop me and a friend off at a concert. He picked us up that night too. I found out later that he had met up with an old girlfriend and went for a drive. He denies it of course. The thing is I saw a convo of the two of them and he told her he needed to talk and see her and that he wants to see her body and he thinks she wants him. When I talked to het she told me nothing happened that she isnt interested in him that way. He did mention to her that he "kinda sorta" had a girlfriend and that things werent good between us and he just didnt want to hurt me. He told her how he remembered how good the sex was when they were together and if she ever thinks how good it could be now.
That night when he picked me up I didnt know anything. He held me all night long wanting to make love. We have a great sex life. We have sex everyday sometimes more than once. So what gets me is why is he looking elsewhere? Dont I mean anything to him? Why is he using me?
Since I found all of this out the trust is gone and he uses that against me. He picks fights with me for no reason all the time and it always ends up with him saying that he things I deserve better and he cant make me happy so I should just leave and he wont stop me. When we argue he bashes me to the point im begging him to stay. He makes ME feel guilty for not trusting him.
I think he is still talking and flirting and looking for other girls.
What should I do? Am I wrong to be upset and not trust him? Why is he making it out to be all my fault? He gets so mad at me, swears at me and always say when we argue that it all about me, that all I think about is myself...please help!
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It's sad reading this because I can understand the pain you are going through. I know you want his words to meet up with his actions and don't understand why he would say things if he didn't mean them.
But honestly, this guy is a loser. He is getting caught in lies constantly and doesn't even try to make you feel better. Just makes you feel guilty for not trusting him.
Regardless, he needs to be dumped. Once you end things with him and NEVER talk to him again, you will be able to find someone who appreciates you and loves you for you. Someone who will work hard to take care of you. I promise you'll be happy when you find someone who appreciates you.
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Even without reading your whole question - the answer is no. You can't be in a relationship with someone you don't trust.
After reading the whole question the answer is NO! For goodness sake run away now!
This guy is a user. He was a user from the start. He lived off of you, wreaked your car and left you with the blame, and cheats constantly. Only a complete moron would trust him. He's never been good to you - he only faked it well in the beginning.
He's looking elsewhere because he gets off on cheating, betraying and using you (and probably other women too).
You do deserve better. He can't make you happy. He doesn't even WANT to make you happy. He wants you to stay quiet and miserable while he cheats on you and lives off your savings.
You should actually think about yourself for once and LEAVE HIM. Or more precisely, kick him the hell out. If he isn't paying rent, or on the lease, he might not have any legal rights to stay. You should find out what is allowed and legal, and if he won't leave when he is supposed too, call the cops and have him removed.
I guarantee you the moment you do, he'll head out and find some other girl to leech of off. That is what he is. He's just that kind of piece of shit.
Never believe a person who says "They don't know why they do X." They do it because they want to. Only truly insane people are unable to stop doing things they do not wish to do. Others might find it difficult - but can do it. If he wanted to stop cheating, he would stop. He doesn't.
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