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mother daughter relationship
well, it used to be pretty OK with me and my mum. but lately, maybe in the past month we've been fighting like every 2 or so afternoons. and it gets really bad, like she calls me a b****, then i call her a b**** then she calls me nasty then so on...
i must seem horrible to her when were in the fight, but actually after, i think to myself that im wrong and that i am everything what my mum told me i am
its just in the moment, that i get so angry. its my biggest weakness being told what to do, and being in a big family im told what to do very often and then the fighting starts over and over and over. i know its a horrible weakness to have, and most of the time i try hard to stop it, but really i cant deal with someone constantly bombarding me with orders. to me its like not having my own space, which is probably weird to everyone else but its how i feel.
sometimes i try and say sorry and fix it all up, but usually people really dont want to talk about it after the arguing is done and they just brush me off. but i hate leaving things unfixed.
its the worst feeling promising yourself it wont happen again and then it happens again
so i just would like some advice, because really its getting me down a lot lately and wish it so much to stop
by the way, if it helps im 14 and 8 months
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you need to figure out ways to control your anger,maybe some therapy could work for your mother & your self .
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First let me say you are not alone in this problem. All teenagers between the age of say 13 to 17 go through this. It is hormonal to a degree caused by all the new hormones puberty brings and the new stresses of teenage life and what I call being a betweener.
A betweener is your to young to be called a child and not old enough to be seen as an adult. As parents we all make a big mistake of trying to keep our kids as children as long as we can. For the longer they are children the longer we can keep them safe. Once we acknowledge they are no longer children then we also must allow them greater freedom and this is when we can no loner keep them safe in are arms 24/7. It a parents thing and I said its wrong and I was guilty of it with my kid.
Because of the hormones, the stresses and everything else that is going on in a teenagers life they become short fused and easily triggered. We as parents know this and we are short fused as well from the stressed we have in our daily life. This is why you have your arguments with mom in the afternoon. Most likely after school when mom gets home from work. Your both stressed out and both need time to decompress.
You both need to acknowledge to each other that this is not the time for the two of you to make any demands on one another. Instead if the things you are arguing over are things like house hold chores they can be discussed at breakfast when you are both relaxed. If you want to go someplace with your friends then hopefully you know long enough in advance that you can discuss this with mom at a time and place that is not in the afternoon when she needs to relax and decompress.
Before I retired I had several different motto's I used to help me be successful. One of them was; "Poor Planning equal Poor Performance." In your case this means you and mom need to find away to communicate to each other at a time when the two of you are so not short tempered to begin with that at argument will insue just by looking cross eyed at one another.
If mom says something to you that trips your argument button try counting to ten before answering her. You can also say something like; "Mom I'm uptight right now can we discuss this later." That statement worked very well for me and my son. We would both back off that subject and come back to it when we both had time to decompress.
Most importantly is for you and mom to find away to talk to each other. You also need to remember you are 14, still young and still needing to mature and learn the ways of the world before you gain the freedoms you may wish to ask for. The less you argue with mom the easier it may be to gain those freedoms.
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Telling you what to do is just part of her being a parent. I know it may seem over-whelming but I had a strict mom too. Im 19 now! If you don't want her to get after you so much, do what you're supposed to before she asks you to. BUT!!! make sure you tell her what you've done. If you're chores are the dishes, wash before she says anything. Go up to her, "mom, I'm done with the dishes, is it cool if I relax for a while?" She can't say no, unless you've got more chores. But key is to do things BEFORE you're told, keeps the parents happy and nobody's telling you what to do or how to do it. Hope this helps...
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