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Love him too much
21/f-I'm absolutely CRAZY about my friend who is in a relationship with a girl who lives all the way across the country. This year has been such an emotional roller coaster for me, caused by this. I feel like such a dumb bitch. My priorities have always been with my education and my close friends and family. How stupid am I to let myself get obsessed with a guy?
I've never had sex, never been in a relationship, and have never had these feelings before. At this point, I just want it to stop. If I could flip a switch that would make me disgusted every time I saw him, I would. I can't control these feelings though. I've tried to see the worst in him and be pissed off but it hasn't worked. Avoiding him is impossible because we're always together for school stuff.
I know we have such a great connection, he loves hanging out with me, and I imagine he's attracted to me. However,he and this girl have a seemingly great relationship and see each other on every holiday.
This is the first time I've had this strong a friendship with a straight guy. My sexual and emotional thoughts have been going wild lately and as a person who is usually very in control, it scares me that these feelings are so overwhelming. If we could be together, I guess this wouldn't be such an issue.
Since I've already tried to stop liking him and it hasn't worked, Ive thought of some other strategies. Maybe I should tease him sexually and see how long he could go without giving in? (this would be my first time doing something this bold). I realize he's a man and men get crazy horny and he can only have sex like every 2 months...I know it's unrealistic that we'll be together but I'd like to lose the battle with him realizing how much sex and fun he's missing out on with this woman who he shares so much in common with, not as a shy wallflower. I want to at least put him in an uncomfortable position and and maybe cause him to question things about this relationship with this girlfriend in Nevada. I'm not trying to be a bad person, but I feel like I need to do this for my own sanity; the goal, really is to get over him.
I know most girls experience these overwhelming feelings at some point; how do you deal with them? What should I do to either get this dumbass to be with me or get over him? Any same experiences/ success stories?
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Hey!
OK, first of all, you're not stupid and you're not dumb. You say it as if it's your fault for liking him, it's not. We literally can't control how we feel, no matter how much we want to. You must've thought 'It's my body, I should be able to control everything about it.' But there's one thing we can't control, and that's our emotion. Our feelings are legit out of our hands.
So you must be feeling, sort of fed up, drained, and feeling like this is something you just can't let go of. Trust me I know. It's just on your mind all the time, right?
I know this is a feeling you can't control, you're simply attracted to him. BUT, make sure you aren't only thinking with your head on this one. Make sure you're thinking with your heart. I know it may seem like trying to attract him to you may seem like the best idea, but in touch with that inner part of you that wants to do the *right* thing. He has a girlfriend. Imagine if you had a boyfriend, and another girl was trying to jeopardize the relationship. It wouldn't look good, not from his girlfriend's eyes, nor his. Before doing anything like this you have to think of all the consequences, this type of action could even change his opinion of you. Girl, I know you can't help it, and you feel like it's something you have to do. But trust me you can help it, and it's not something you have to do. You're just overwhelmed with all this emotion, there's nothing wrong with that. You're attracted to him, there's nothing wrong with that. I really think, it would be a better idea to talk to him about it. I know you're gonna think 'No way!' but trust me you'd gain so much closure out of this and it would help you get everything out of your system and can even help you to move on. Seriously, just talk to him, you have so much more to gain that way, it'd be more beneficial for you and your life. The fact that you wanna get over him is such a good thing, it shows that even behind all these feelings that you can't control, you wanna do something about it. I say you talk to him flat out and I hope it goes well =)
If you need any more advice, contact cc.advice@hotmail.com - your questions will be kept private and confidential, plus you'd get a fast reply! =)
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Not a totally uncommon thing.
The general rule of thumb when you attempt to repress something you actually want deep down is it will express itself at some point anyway. So it's better to recognize it for what it is.
There is a danger here that if you do go to bed with him that he will feel guilty about it and just all of a sudden run away from you. He may be conflicted himself about his feelings for you and for her, which isn't a good place to begin a relationship with him on. So the mature, rational thing would be to tell him to break up with her or he would end up in the friend zone.
You also have to recognize that as a maturing adult you just can't always get what you want and so far you've done a good job in not surrendering to your impulses. You'll feel better about yourself if you move on from this, but again, fully recognize that, "I think he rocks, but he is something I can't have right now, oh well."
I was in a situation vaguely analogous to the guy you're mooning over's and I thank God I made the right decision and refused the second girl's overture and stayed with my girlfriend of the time. My girlfriend was a tremendous person (and so was the girl pursuing me) even though it cost me a longstanding friendship with the second woman. I have a clear conscience and you will, too, if you just keep things with the guy as a friendship only thing.
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