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Had a child with a woman I barely know..
I just got out of a serious breakup with a woman I was engaged too...
Afterwards being heartbroken and having a knack for picking up women, I had many sexual partners during the course of a year.
Only to find out, while I am finishing a very intense Masters program, that 1 of the bar hook ups whom I barely know, just gave birth to my child. She wants me around, but I am not sure if the kid would benefit to see dysfunctional parents that have only had a sexual relationship.
I told my parents, my Dad said, "Don't even answer her calls," my Mom said, "I am excited to be a grandma, but are you gonna be around??," I just don't know whats best for us all here.. The Mom already asked me to babysit the kid so she can go on a date, what the fuck is that! I dont wanna be used like that. Now Im stressed, my grades are slipping and so is my lust for life, I used to be a happy go lucky guy with the world at his finger tips, Now I am trying to man up and get through every without feeling like a piece of shit because im not able to be around, because of my intense masters program.
What the fuck is a guy supposed to do??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Insist on a paternity test before you do anything or agree on anything as far as parenting this child. You didn't give any information on how long you were with this women, if it was a 1 night stand or a short something or even if you had any type of exclusive relationship with her. For this reason it is important that you get a paternity test.
Not wanting to cast aspersions about this women though if she was sleeping around she may not know exactly who the father is. She may be going on who she thinks the baby looks most like. This is why you must insist on a paternity test.
If the paternity test proves you to be the father, you must see the test results. Then get a lawyer. You will have legal responsibilities to this child until its 18th birthday. You should have those responsibilities put in writing, legally and presented to the court for approval.
In this document you would include, besides the legal requirements for support, any parenting responsibilities you want such as visitation, joint custody or you can give up your parental rights. Doing so might relieve you of you responsibility to support this child. This is why you need to talk to a Family Law Attorney; some one knowledgeable in the family laws in your state.
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He's supposed to get a blood test, or DNA test, and confirm the child is his.
Then he's supposed to make changes that are enable him to manage all of his responsibilities - and that might include altering his education plans.
You might not be able to control all of the stress in your life, but you actually can control how dysfunctional you are with the child's mother. In some ways, barely knowing her is better, you can be friendly and business like about the whole thing without quite as many intense emotions involved. And just so we are clear: its almost definitely best for the child to have you in their life. What kind of 'in their life' might still be to be determined, but you can't justify just running away from it with 'we'll just fuck up the kid.' That's an understandable impulse, but not a reasonable one.
But first, ask for a test, and if it comes back positive, ask for a custody agreement so you have fixed times you spend with the child, and you can manage your life with a bit more certainty. Having a kid does mean 'being on call' sometimes, but with clear agreements between you and the mom, you can manage it better.
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