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how do i handle my mother in law when she refuses to see my point
I met my husband 8 years ago, we've been married 7. He was in a car accident years before we met which left him disabled and with schizophernic like episodes. His only family is his mother and younger brother. Ever since I've known the brother he has been making excuses not to see my husband- money, his girlfriend(now wife),work. And my husband just wants to spend any amount of time with him. His mother always made excuses too& in the end said the brother couldnt deal with everything as he misses his "old" brother.I tried to keep the brother out of our lives as I feel he keeps rejecting my husband,but his mother keeps nagging that we buy them presents,treat their children,phone constantly etc. And no, this doesnt improve anything. She keeps insisting we show them love. Why? At times I succeed in distancing us, but at times-like now-she is just on my case 24/7. And no, no discussion with either the brother or his wife has helped. How do I handle this? I feel my mother in law is deeply insensitive to my husband being constantly rejected and it seems like nothing I say sinks in.
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Hey,
Fistly I admire the fact you're obviously very supportive of your husband, he's lucky.
Lets talk about the main issue in all of this-the schizophrenia. Although I'm not a doctor I have studyed this illness in detail.
Alot of people are feel very wary with those who have a mental illness-and don't wish to involve themselves simply because of fear and not understanding the illness.
Schizophrenia in this case is acute (has occured suddenly) It affects 1% of the population and research suggests it affects intelligent, creative people the most.
I think it sounds to me like your brother is refusing to accept your husband for who he is. He perhaps doesn't understand that schizophrenia is in no way brought on by the person themselves, and also common sympotoms like hallucinations and voices are very real to the sufferer.
I think if you want your husband to not be rejected by his family, they first need to understand alot more about the condition, so that they can let him in rather than block him out against a door or fear and confusion.
You said that no talking or discussion has helped. After reading your story I think it's best you give them an ultimatum by a written letter. Something like 'if you can't accept your brother/son for the person they are inside despite the schizophrenia which they can't help, and support a man who feels alone then he's better off without you'
I think your mother in law may want you to keep showing love because she too misses how things used to be. And, for now you should do because it's just a case of acceptence. Accepting things are different, and working round it.
Of course, the main thing I can advise is that you're husband needs all the support he can get. Over the summer, I suffered for a month with a bout of anxiety, so much so I didn't sleep for days and developed bulimia.
I'm better now, but my message would be to support him. Listen to him and get others to listen to him. Most of all, don't give up on him. I didn't speak to anyone for ages with my illness, and I could tell my twin sisters inner annoyance at what I had. But they lived with the notion that i'd get better, or at least learn to control it. And thanks to their support, i did.
Incidently, if you're husband is taking steps to get better, drugs are the most effective though they can have side effects. CBT also helps.
Take care-I really hope even some of this helps
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