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I'm in a long-term relationship, but I have a crush on my manager
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we are very much in love and committed to each other. We've discussed marriage openly and comfortably on several occasions. I can't tell you how happy I feel about becoming his wife and building a family with him someday!
We are both Freshman in college and we go to different schools now. Our relationship has been put to the test this semester because this is our first time not being together every day (like we were in high school!)
In high school, I would go through stages where I would develop a crush on someone other than him on more than one occasion. (Is that terrible?) I NEVER acted on my feelings and remained loyal to my boyfriend. Eventually the romantic feelings would go away. I would always bounce back temporarily too of course when I was hanging out with my boyfriend.
This time is different. Now, I think about my manager even while I'm with my boyfriend. We flirt at work and while we text. Once I got a hug and I thought my heart was going to leap right out of my throat! It's not my actions but my feelings that are making me feel guilty, like I'm cheating on my boyfriend! I will check the schedule to see if we are working together and if we are, I will spend more time on my hair or makeup than usual...
I think about him all day and before I go to sleep at night. I cannot tell you what it is about him. I find myself so attracted to him suddenly and we've been working together for awhile now.. He does not have the easiest life (crush). No car, house and no ambition really. I picked him up and brought him to church once hoping the Lord would speak to his heart and he would get help. Is this pity?
I want to be a friend to him, truly. I just think about kissing him too.
I am praying to God that these will go away - I don't want to do something stupid like act on them and hurt my boyfriend. I could never see myself in a long-term relationship with my manager anyway, so why am I entertaining the idea of being with him?
I'm telling myself that I just care a lot about him (which I do, genuinely) and that the romantic feelings will subside. Now I am tormenting myself with questions like, "Is this really what you want?" or "Do you want to be tied down?" This is scaring me! I've considered maybe I am falling out of love.
I want to stay good friends with my manager but I don't want to lead him on or feel guilty for liking him too much. Am I changing? Is what I want in life changing? I don't wanna fall out of love. I hope this is normal like everyone says.
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First, let me say that this is normal. Very normal! You can be deeply in love with someone and be attracted to someone else. You can't help your feelings. I will say, be very careful that you do not take it overboard and act on your feelings one day! I would actually advise you to stop flirting with anyone other than your boyfriend period because flirting does indeed lead to other feelings, but that is not my place. Stay true to your boyfriend, remember how much you love him, and what has kept y'all together all this time. Do not sacrifice it for someone whom you cannot see yourself with in the future. It may be fun now but the consequences are severe. Now, don't feel bad because this happens to everyone. It's apart of your imagination which is why you entertain the idea, you may not mean any harm by it but you simply cannot help your thoughts. We're human! As for questioning things; doubt is also natural, especially for relationships, especially for girls. It's just something we do. However, catch yourself and remind yourself that there is nothing to worry about and that everything will work out fine. I don't think you are falling out of love but only you will know for sure. Like I said, not flirting with your manager will definitely help the situation. I hope this helps you :) best of luck to you and your boyfriend!
-A.B
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with having "crushes" on other people when you're in a relationship with someone else. It happens to everyone. Your human, your feelings and emotions don't turn off just because you commit to someone. How you choose to handle those feelings is what matters.
I didn't see your age listed anywhere in your question, but going on the fact that you're a freshman in college, I'm going to assume you're a young adult. Also, you don't give much information about your boyfriend, but I assume, since he's in college, he has some ambitions and goals for his life, plus the fact that you two talk about your future together.
Part of me thinks that your attraction to your boss stems from the fact that you are (possibly) so young and already committing, and your boss represents what you're boyfriend is not (no ambitions, not as many responsibilities), as in the fun, carefree type of person. It very well could be like you said, maybe you're not quite ready to settle down yet, and you still need to go out and have fun without having to commit to anything serious.
I could be wrong, though, and ultimately, it comes down to what you truly want to do. If you absolutely, 100% know that your boyfriend is who you want to be with, and no one else, then make it work. Trying to create a friendship with your boss (outside of the typical boss/employee relationship that is necessary in a work environment) might actually be harmful to your relationship with your boyfriend. The best thing you can do in this situation is sit down and think about what it is you really want at this stage in your life, and where you can see yourself in the future.
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