|
Stupid girl... Sorry, this is kinda long.
24f. I did something ridiculously stupid, I'm furious with myself for following the urge... I went and explored my boyfriend's messages on facebook. I have no suspicion of him cheating on me, I trust him completely, and I expected to find nothing.
Thinking logically, now, I really did find nothing. On-line flirting is not a crime in my mind, nor does it count as cheating. I don't believe in "emotional cheating," nor am I concerned about him doing this and causing problems within our relationship. We both have many friends of the opposite sex, and are both pathological flirts, really. Granted, I flirt to get what I need out of people (yes, I manipulate people, but I'm a patient advocate. Sometimes I have to build quick rapport with people in order to get them to help me help my patients) and he seems to just... flirt. Granted, he loves the validation, and I understand that, being aware of his history and how tough it's been for him. Knowing with all my heart and soul that he loves me deeply, and that I am the one he wants and wants to come home to, I don't have a problem with this.
Most of the time.
Sometimes I do feel like I have a problem with it, and when I see flirty messages with a random girl, it gets to me a little. I try very hard not to let it, but sometimes my emotions overrule my logical brain, which I despise. Logically, I know I should just let myself feel, talk it out with him, and ease my mind. But then I'd have to admit to him that I saw the messages - which is my own stupid fault in the first place. I'm not even going to pretend I wasn't snooping. I was.
What the heck is wrong with me?
I HATE girls like this. But I don't believe ignorance is bliss, either. I think what upsets me the most is that it's behind my back. He was messaging her from MY apartment while I was busy working from home. But I'd never have known had I not done the stupid girl thing and read his messages. He does things like leave his facebook up and his phone out because he trusts me not to be one of those crazy jealous girlfriends and "check up" on him - and normally I'm not. I don't know, maybe I just wanted to know what he'd been up to lately, since we've both been very busy.
I feel like I'm being irrational. Mind, I still don't think he's actually doing anything with this girl or anyone other than myself. But why am I so upset from having found flirty messages when it's my fault I found them in the first place?
Someone please give me some insight, here...
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are not stupid...your like all girls including me. Facebook is a meat market...yes, that's what I said and it's too enticing for a man when a girl continuely flirts with him. Be on guard. My boyfriend and I both got off Facebook for this very thing, to keep our relationship cause we know what it's all about... we met there. He saw all the guys that were commenting and flirting with me, and I saw all the girls flirting with him. I was loving the attention from the guys...he also from the girls. So...as a loving sacrifice for our relationship...we deleted our entire facebook account. We don't regret it a bit. Just a suggestion.
]
I believe this person is referring to messages, not a facebook wall.
My guess is this was snooping and it probably wasn't because you wanted to know what he'd been up to lately, because you would have just asked him, right?
Curiosity can be very powerful, especially if you haven't been in a lot of contact lately. It's human, but it also crosses a line. If he said he didn't care if you read his messages, that's one thing, but if that's not defined he has a right to be upset with you for invading his privacy. To what degree is uncertain, hopefully it won't be a big deal.
As to why you are upset, no matter how irrational, it's easy to feel invalidated when a significant other validates someone else. It's easy to feel left out and almost fear being replaced when you can see that he was flirtatious with someone else and not you at the time, but being flirtatious as you know is relatively harmless.
I think this curiosity and fear is stemmed from a lack of communication. I think you should think hard about what you want to know from him and have a thorough talk about this. Establish what you're ok with as far as flirting and everything else so you two have clear lines you won't cross. Don't be afraid to think of your own peace of mind and what it'll take to gain it.
I would mention and apologize for the invasion of privacy as it may bother you until you do.
]
You have absolutely no reason to be upset with yourself. Hello, its facebook! Anyone could have seen it. You're not being 'nosy'; you're being normal. Unless his page was private and not opeen to everyone, then he couldn't possibly get mad with you.
Also, if you're his 'friend' on facebook, he should be expecting the fact that you would look at his page. Don't be so hard on yourself.
]
More Questions: |