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I can't make good decisions and put my children first
I can never seem to think of my children first. I am in a deep depression right now, honestly. I lost someone very important to me. This will make me sound the worst type of white trash, but I am desprate. I dated this guy shortly before he did 6 years in prison. I wrote at first, but then.. well , I'm 25 at the time, relativly attractive, and never did promise to "wait". Took the advice that cons are losers , move on, etc. Broke his heart when I had my son. Fast forward 3 years, He and I have been talking, gonna work it out, etc., till I meet a nice guy, good job, promises me the moon etc etc. Once again listening to "common sense" left Derrick odd man out. My heart broke when I saw his face when I told him. Dream guy leaves me flat, Derrick and I hook up breifly, but now all this dirt between us. he leaves me flat for a minor lotto winners daughter, who feeds him booze and pills. Blah his bad but still, like he said, Karma. Look what I did. I mess up my whole life, for what? I can't sleep, and whenever I ask someone what to do , they say don't hurt yourself for the kids sake. I can barely look at myself, let alone them. Right now, I can't think of anything but my selfish acts. Since I don't trust my friends, or even counsalor anymore for advice, I come here. How can I forgive myself for basically hurting the one I love more than ANYTHING, sad but yes before the kids.. and ruining my life ? I am a 32 year old woman, btw.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
We all make mistakes. We all hurt people we care about. It's just being human. What you need to understand is your life isn't about him. Your life is about you. You are responsible for your own happiness and he is responsible for his. You need to find a way to be happy with yourself so your happiness doesn't depend on someone else.
You were together and you left him under bad advice, but then you got back together. Afterwhich, all you did was what anyone could have done. You found someone else and chose to be with that someone else. It wasn't some horrible, life-ending decision, people go through this all the time. It turned out the new guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be, but that happens. You didn't ruin anyone's life.
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