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In love and confused and doubtful
Basically, I'm a 20 year old female in college who has had absolutely no experience with dating, sex, or relationships. I'm a person who takes a while to break out of my shell but in the end people love me and think I'm hilarious and fun and chill. I am NOT socially awkward but admittedly tense and nervous at times and I can be very reserved and guarded with people I don't know very well but all the while I'm kind and composed and collected. I can have a conversation with almost anyone. With every passing year this tension improves and my friends see this improvement in me. I'm not ugly, I have some attractive qualities and recently lost a good amount of weight! My best qualities have nothing to do with looks; I'm extremely intelligent, intellectual, interesting, sweet, and pretty funny. Right now, I feel more confident than ever! BUT I'm absolutely desperate for male intimacy. Having been deprived my whole life and watching my other friends get to experience it is very crushing. I have all this emotional and physical energy that wants so badly to be released but it can't be because no guy has ever shown interest in me. Now for the main issue: I think I may be falling hard for one of my friends. He made a girlfriend over the summer and now they have a (very) long distance relationship. I had a crush on him last year but knew that getting him would probably not be a reality, considering the fact that other girls sometimes like him and he's shy with girls and I just don't want to get hurt or have my confidence destroyed. Ever since this year started he's been paying tons of attention to me. He's a friendly, charming person by nature so I don't know if I'm special at all. As a result, I unfortunately think I've fallen in love with him (or whatever to call it). I cannot stop thinking about him and get sad when I can't be around him. Sexually, I want him so bad like no one I've ever lusted after before. The main aspect is the emotional connection we have. He is literally everything I want, he's perfection. The issue is that he has a long-distance girlfriend. He's wishy washy and I have no idea what he is really thinking. All I can do in all of this is speculate which leaves me to go crazy. I just can't stop thinking negatively and crying over the fact that the odds may not be in my favor and that I have no strength or experience with any of this. I am a smart, strong, independent person and right now I feel helpless. I'm so confused with all of the new things I'm feeling and having so many highs and lows. What do I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Just get some distance from him.
The 'relationships' that only happen in your head, that stay rooted in fantasy, and never actually go anywhere, are always the hardest the move on from, because they stay in the 'honeymoon period' forever.
So you need to get some distance from him, and stop fueling the fantasy life you've created for yourself and him.
You've got a lot of great things going for you right now - and frankly - your out of control crushing on this unavailable guy might be, in part, an unconscious way of holding yourself back. Because he is unavailable, he is not a risky place to put your emotions, and you can crush away without ever having to do any of the real world work of actually starting a damn relationship.
So free yourself from the fantasy by embracing some reality (some of which, will suck balls and not be nearly as awesome as the fantasy BUT it WILL be real). Take that intelligent, intellectual, interesting, sweet, and pretty funny self of yours over to someone who can properly appreciate it. You are old enough to give online dating a try and that can be helpful for people in your shoes 'cause it's very prescribed (both people KNOW why they are meeting - they are looking for people/someone to date) but you can keep the training wheels of 'low expectations' and 'dating as practice' on for a little while.
And you are going to get hurt. By him, by someone else. Your confidence might get shattered - for a little while. You might actually hurt some people too. You've got more learning to do, and this is part of it. So hop to it, 'cause you wont get loved with out taking those risks.
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ok "in love and confused" first of all, you're 20 years old. Lighten up, have some fun. Don't get too serious about anything. Just have some fun. It's not too likely that you're going to make it to the alter with the first guy you have a relationship with and the chances of you getting out of life without having your heart broken at least once are very slim. Best thing to do is to realize your own self worth and know that this guy may not even realize you're attracted to him. Let him know in subtle ways without throwing yourself at him that you think he's delish. But don't sophocate him. Make your 1:1 encounters with him short and sweet then excuse yourself for some business you must attend to. For example, pay him a compliment on the way he looks or smells then excuse yourself to do some very important thing. Or get involved in a conversation where you're asking him questions about where he grew up and what he enjoys doing for fun and what his favorite foods are. Make the conversation all about him and but cut it short before you run out of juicy conversation and loose his interest. Guys like to be seen and feel like someone gives a crap about what they want and like but they also like it when the girl seems to have a life. so that's why you don't let the conversation run stale before you excuse yourself to do something important or meet another friend. etc. Good luck love.
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