|
My man's ex is still in love with him and contacts him daily
I met my boyfriend at work. We were both in troubled marriages. We became friends and it led to more. I divorced my husband and he left his wife for three months. Then he decided that he had to give his marriage another chance for the kids sake. He went back to her and they reconciled for three months. During the time he was back with her, him and I didn't continue our relationship. They ended up getting divorced and we began dating again.
She is still in love with him and claims that I am the cause of their divorce. She contacts him every day and has tried over and over and over to get him back. She comes up with every excuse in the book to contact him. They have two children together but my ex-husband and I share custody and we don't talk every day.
It infuriates me. I can't understand why he needs to talk to her so much. Sometimes the jealousy consumes me. I mean when me and him got together I tried to change everything about myself that he felt would help make me a better person... I no longer go out to clubs with my girlfriends on girls night out, if I go out at all we sit in the restraunt section, never the bar section, I don't take naps anymore, I quit smoking, I insisted that he let me cash in my 401K to pay off the bad debt that him and his ex had accumulated that he inherited in the divorce so we could be financially stable, but he can't stop talking to her!
In the divorce he is to pay her $1,175 per month in child support and she is supposed to pay 1/2 of all child expenses and the first $308 of daycare expenses.... she takes all the money and NEVER pays her 1/2 of anything. As a matter of fact, half the time she don't even have food in the house when she supposed to have the kids over. She supposed to keep the kids 1/2 of the time. She MAY keep the little girl 25% of the time and the little boy is more like 15%.
We never go on dates anymore because we always have at least one of his kids and I know she does it that way on purpose just to prevent us from going out or being alone. I don't want to hate anyone but she is dispisable and I need help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Therapy.
You got involved in with a man who was married, and had kids. Sure, it could have gone smoothly and relatively calmly, like your own divorce did.
Or it could have gone like this - nutso, crazy, financial ruin with a clingy ex.
You rolled those dice. Now you need to make some peace with where you and your partner are at.
Go to therapy, with your boyfriend if he'll go, or by yourself if he wont. Encourage him to speak to someone too, so he can get some tools to manage his relationship with his ex better.
But in the end, you need to take a deep breath, butt out of the way he manages his ex-wife, and stop imagining that anything you do is going to change his choices when it comes to her. Stop torturing yourself thinking it'll make him change his behavoir. It wont. Ask him to change. If he doesn't, then change yourself so you are getting some of what you need (IE, girls night outs, personal financial security, other activities that make you feel positively about yourself.)
Right now, you are putting all your chance at happiness in his hands (and his ex wife's hands). Take it back.
]
More Questions: |