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Husband doesn't make contact
Hi all, I have been married for 8 yrs to a man that has been hospitalized on and off during this time due to high blood pressure and now kidney failure.He has recently gone back to hospital after not following up medical advice.So this is the thing that l am trying to understand whenever he is admitted to hospital which can sometimes be for up to 2 weeks he never calls to let me now how he is physically or how he is feeling nor me for that matter. When ever l call to speak to him l am put on the phone to a nurse either saying he is not in bed or asleep this has been going on for years we also have 3 children under 7 yrs of age so as his wife l am feeling in the dark we have both discussed this and he just rolls his eyes and walks away. l am so tired of this. Am l wrong to feel this way ? And what do you feel is going on with him Any advice would be great thank you.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I cannot really pinpoint the exact reason why your husband acts as he does. There could be many reasons for this. He could be ashamed that once again he is in the hospital because he failed to follow doctors orders. He could feel he is less of a man because of his illness. The medical problems he is suffering from could cause him to be depressed.
One of the problems you are facing in getting information is caused by a Federal Law called HIPPA. The Health Information Personal Privacy Act. Even though you are his wife, his personal health information is private and confidential. You are not privileged to this information without his written consent. All the nurses or doctors can say to you is what you have been hearing.
What you need to do for both of you is when he is home is to see a lawyer and have living will drawn up. This will spells out exactly what you expect in a situation such as your husband faced with his kidney failure, if he is unable to speak for himself. You also need to have Medical Powers of Attorneys drawn upon which gives each of you, if you so desire, to speak for each other and to have access to each others medical information.
Last but not least speak with the attorney about medical advocacy and if that too is required should either of you be hospitalized. If so have the attorney draw up this document up as well.
Have copies of these documents placed in your husbands file at the hospital he is admitted too. Keep copies at home readily available to take with you. Should an ambulance transport be needed a copy of the living will should be provided to the Paramedics if possible. Without one they are forced to follow the protocols in place for your state of residence.
I know this all sounds very sterile and very last resort. But this is the law. I've answered many calls for medical help and I recently lost a good friend who's wife will no longer talk to me because they didn't take the advice I have just given to you. When he was admitted to the hospital and later to Hospice he assigned me as his advocate and gave me medical power of attorney by phone with 2 witnesses in attendance.
There was a reason for this as his wife was also hospitalized with a heart attack at the time. She was eventually released. But without the legal paperwork I am recommending. Even with my verbal permission to release her husbands medical information to her; she was told she had to call me to get that information.
So while I cannot truly answer your question as to why your husband is this way. What I have done is give you a way to get the medical information you need to help your husband for the next time. If you can't convince him before then to be screened for depression, ask that he be screened for depression when next he is hospitalized. You will or should have that authority either with the medical power of attorney or as his medical advocate; depending on the laws of your state.
You need to see a good family practice lawyer for this.
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You have what is considered the turn off, your husband is not interested in talking to you,because he feels guilty that he does not follow the Dr advice, nor your advice. He also dont want to have sex with you,because he can not produce,ie,give you what you want. Nest he will not want to even see you at times.because you are in very good condition,maybe sexy,and you want sex. so try counsling with him and a Doctor. or continue as it is,till he no longer deserves you. thank you,ps i am 73,wife of 47 ,I have 1 kidney and i am a diabetic, i still crave my wife,and i want to talk to her daily 2 or 3 times. thanks
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No you should not feel like this. You are married. I think emotionally your husband is going through a difficult time. He might even feel like a burden on you and the kids. He might probably be ashamed of the fact that he has to be in the hospital for such various amounts of time. You need to talk to him and ask him why he is being like this. You are his wife and you do have a right to know this information. Let him know that no matter what his circumstances are, they effect you too and that you still love him for it.
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