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i think im depressed: when i see cars, i imagine them hitting me and that thought makes me happy?
Hi, i believe im struggling with depression. i think i've had this for about 2 years now.
when i was younger i used to tell myself that i will never smoke and i didn't understand why people smoke such stinky stuff. however tonight, i just smoked 3 cigarettes in one sitting by myself. and now im craving for another.
i have trouble sleeping at night and during the day, i refuse to wake up and go out of the house. i've become a recluse and im missing classes.
a while ago, a friend slept over at my house and i guess she was trying to make small talks so she asked 'tell me your happy memories'. such a simple question, but i just stared at her and couldnt even get a word out. when she fell asleep a while later, i went out of the house and cried.
i have nights when i will just cry unconsolably. i'll just listen to slow songs, switch off my lights and lay on the floor in total darkness and cry.
fortunately, i've never contemplated suicide. not once. but when i see cars, i imagine them hitting me and that thought makes me happy? im not sure if that is suicidal thoughts, but i always think that if an accident were to happen to me, i would be fine with it.
i think that i do have depression at this moment, but i've never asked for help. i dont think my friends here know that i have these moments. i know i should ask for help or ask people what to do, but for some reason my pride or ego or whatever stops me.
in my college, there is a counselling service, but it requires you to make an appointment due 2 weeks later. i've applied for it tons of times, but by the time 2 weeks have come by, i will usually have talked myself into not having depression etc.
i know why im struggling with this, and i know what i need to do, but for some reason, i just cant muster the will to do anything.
thank you for reading this. i just need someone to tell me that i am strong enough to hang on and im okay.
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Take Niacin you can get it at any GNC or vitamin shop.
It is why suicidal patients get better. Look it up.
Its your only option Most people will be totally cured from depression im a matter of weeks.
I have tried every thing there is and this is the only thing that works.
Dont stop taking it. With out Niacin it is impoossible to get better.
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You don't talk yourself out of being depressed. You talk yourself out of seeking help.
I'm not a doctor but I am someone who is in recovery from depression so I know what depression feels like. Statistically one in three or one in four of us, depending on which study you look at, suffers from some form of depression. The most common form is clinical depression, the one you most likely suffer from.
Clinical Depression is not a mental illness as it is a lack of an enzyme much like a diabetic lacks insulin that is the cause of the depression. This missing enzyme or hormone to be more correct helps you control mood. When it is missing or not in sufficient quantity you can suffer from depression. Part of this is also triggered by stress. Stress causes depression and depression causes stress. A vicious circle you are not physically prepared to handle. Nothing to be or you should be embarrassed about.
I am not a doctor what I have written I learned in therapy for my depression. A doctor generally a psychiatrist, as they are the doctors best trained to deal with this and a psychologist for therapy are the two doctors you need to get over your depression. The Psychiatrist will prescribe the proper hormone replacement and monitor you medically while the psychologist works with you to find the cause of your stress and help you deal with it better.
Once the medication takes hold you will start to see things more clearly and the psychologist will be able to work with you and help you deal with the stress better. If this is your first depressive episode the medication may only be needed for a year until you learn to deal with the stress and your body is manufacturing sufficient amounts of hormones for you.
My advice is to make and keep a clinic appointment. Be screened for depression. This is the only way you can truly be diagnosed. Once you are diagnosed follow the doctors instructions.
Being in college is very stressful. You are not the first, you are not the only one and you will not be the last student to suffer from depression. Depression, especially clinical depression does not mean you are crazy. Far from it. You are just really stressed out and you need help dealing with it so get the help that is their for you and enjoy your college life.
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No matter how hard things get, everyone is strong. They just have to find where their strength lays. There's nothing wrong with not being afraid to die, it just means you've accepted what will eventually come to everyone. Life is short enough as it is, don't you agree? So there is no need to shorten it any more than it already is. As for your happy moments, I'm sure you have them, as I believe everyone does. The only problem is.. is that everyone counts all their problems, pains, and sufferings, and are too caught up in that, that they never stop and count their happiness and joys. If you feel sad and want to cry, it's alright. I believe it helps alleviate some of the stress and burdens you bare if not all of it. As for the counseling, if is entirely up to you. It may not hurt to have someone to talk to that won't judge you, or get overly worked up about how you're feeling. You are strong, just seems you yourself need to believe it. So believe it, and yourself.
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