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Im am really confused about my sexuality
I'm 14, female and is doubting my sexuality. I know this is the age of finding yourself but I have a suspicion that I may be bi. This girl(not putting name) said she liked me, and ive said I have been bi now for 2 years for I have had relationships with girls and boys. but after I said no im straight. But now spending more time with her im growing feelings for her, and when she told me about another girl who was hitting on her I got really annoyed and jealous and now I find myself telling myself im bi then that im straight. I don't know what you do in a lesbian relationship so don't want to go out with her, im scared if the truth I think, doubting myself. Please help its tearing me apart.
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Okay its time for some grandfatherly advice and since I am of that age I will offer it.
Your fourteen and you are correct in what you said; this is the age of finding yourself. This includes your sexuality. This is not the time to label yourself. Labeling yourself opens you up to a world of hurt as people your age don't understand many things. What they don't understand they ridicule especially when it comes to sex.
There is nothing wrong with being bi or even being gay. Right now you truly do not have the experience to know what your sexuality is and rightfully so.
When I was in college many girls I know could have labeled themselves bi or even lesbians for lesbian sex was rampant among most female dorms. Why was this? Well first of all when I was in college there was a war going on an women out numbered men, so so sex with another women was just pain easier. It was also safer as you cannot get pregnant for lesbian sex. Many of them just didn't have time for relationships but they did need sexual relief. Lesbian sex was easier and faster to find.
Those same girls after college never thought to have a bi or even lesbian relation ship again. It was simply a means to an end. So should they have been labeled. I don't think so.
You certainly do not need to label yourself at your age. Do you need to experiment. Some girls do some girls don't. It appears you may need to. I see nothing wrong with experimenting. For one thing it allows you to get in touch with your own sexuality and your own feelings. How you like to be touched and how you don't like to be touched and can be done without worry of pregnancy.
I should be telling you not to be engaging in any type of sex. I am liberal enough in my views to understand you have your doubts at the moment. This is fine many girls do. I do suggest that you wait awhile until you are more mature and your body has matured to the point that puberty and the new hormones have leveled off. Part of the problem you are having is adjusting to these new hormones and this will continue for a while.
I believe that until your physical body and your mental maturity adjust to the new hormones you will continue to shall we say ping pong on your sexual feelings. This would be normal and nothing to tear you apart as you say. It should not tear you apart if you understand why you are being this way.
Relax, you are a normal 14 year old girl. Enjoy being a young teenager. When the time is right for sex you will know it. Do not rush into it because your hormones are in an uproar at the moment. They will subside and when they do you will have more control over your sexual feelings.
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Thanks, I will try keep calm about it haha:) I don't mean to label myself its just its really annoying not knowing what you like and dislike. I think it would be easier if some of my family weren't anti-gay..
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Like NinjaNeer said, just relax for a sec. Today, there's all this talk about being gay, or bi, or straight, or whatever. It's really not as important as it's made out to be. Some people know that they fit into one of those categories, others don't know, or they fit into a different category altogether. It can be really confusing when something as private and as unique as one's sexuality seems to be at the forefront of everyone's thoughts. Just know this: it's simply not important. Just be in relationships with people you like. You don't have to be bi, or straight, or anything. There's no need to label yourself, just be you. Have you tried talking to her about what you're feeling? Maybe she could help somehow. Good luck! :)
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Take two steps back, take a deep breath and relax. You're fourteen. There's nobody yelling at you to put a label on your sexuality quite yet, or ever for that matter. It's perfectly okay to go with the flow when it comes to the gender of your partners. I dated both guys and girls before ending up with my husband, and I struggled a lot with my label before just declaring myself open-minded.
If you really like this girl, see where the relationship goes. Your relationship would be your own: there's no such thing as a special lesbian relationship code that you have to follow. Just enjoy spending time together, take things at your own pace and have fun. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
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