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I keep doing 'bad things'.
I'm a sixteen year old girl and have been sexting a guy for seven months. I have known him since I was eleven and have had strong feelings for him almost as long.
We sext a couple of times each month and at the time I enjoy it. A lot. However, not long after I regret it because I know that he only sees me as the girl he sexts, and as nothing more or less. I know I'm the only one he's been sexting but I don't want to be used for this anymore, though I can't seem to stop myslef from doing it.
My friends are disappointed in me because of this as they know of the upset this boy has caused me in the past. I know I shouldn't continue to sext him but like I said, in the moment I like it. I'm not even sure why I like it, I assume it's because he's actually paying me some sort of attention.
If anyone could offer me any kind of advice about what I should do about this problem, that would be really great and I would be extremely appreciative. Thank you :)
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Think we've got to look at 'expectations'. When you say you've had strong feelings and you like it because he's paying you attention my reaction is that every time you sext you're hoping it will turn into something more? It feels good in the moment, well it will do. But afterwards are you feeling badly let down? You've done the fun bit, and then it's right back to square one? Be honest with yourself. Do you think it will or not? You could play your cards right now, but in your teens I know that's hard. There's a lot of mind-games at your age. Maybe try. Right up-front, ask him if he wants to do a bit more than sext...if he doesn't, throw away his number & forget him. The flip-side of the coin as it were, would be to change your expectations. Treat as a bit of fairly harmless, fun-at-the-time stuff but neither of you are looking at it being anything more. If you're keen on him that might be difficult. So have a think. Personally I'd say constantly raising your hopes then having them pretty well crushed time after time is not going to do much for your self-confidence & self-esteem. It's already got you in an 'I shouldn't...but I can't stop myself' mind-set. The situation is entirely in your hands as I see it.
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I'm not judging you but what you have been doing isn't a good idea to begin with. Those texts in the wrong hands... You have to be aware of that and take it in mind. Also those texts between minors or someone 18 and over could be viewed as wrong by law.
You should tell an adult what's been happening and that you realize it's not a good idea and regret it so that they know how to protect you if need be.
You need to text him one more time and keep it brief and say "This is making me uncomfortable and feels wrong. I do not wish to continue this behavior please respect that. I don't mind talking normally from time to time but this makes me feel icky."
We'll see based on that what his reaction is. If he likes you he will apologize and try to make you comfortable around him and respect how you feel. If you're being used by him once you send that final text and don't hear back you'll know he wasn't interested in you as a person.
It's okay if you liked it at first but you know that it's wrong, have discovered that and must move on. It's only different if you were both consenting adults but you are not. Realize the mistake and correct it. That's what you need to do. Also realize attention and flattery are only good when it's in an appropriate manner.
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