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I think the guy I've become really close to might be physically disabled?
So I met this guy online and we've been talking almost constantly for a week or so and I think he's really wonderful. He's a total sweetheart who has a great job and wants to do everything he can to help me.
At first the only problem I really had was that he's like everything I want but I'm not attracted to him at all. I was so disappointed when I webcammed with him and found out that he didn't really look like I thought he would but I think I could get over that and that with a different haircut and clean shaven as well as face to face he might look much nicer than he did on webcam.
So I'd gotten over that.
He's been telling me all along that there's been something bigger going on in his life that he hasn't told me about yet and when I first started talking to him he was in the hospital for a UTI and "other things". He also mentioned today that he talked to doctors a lot.
I wasn't trying to snoop but I did want to find out if the photo of his house that was on his profile was real so I googled his name. The first result that came up was on a forum with a user under his name begging for help from people because he was in so much pain from a spinal injury and that he'd been in a wheelchair since he was 9.
I know there's more than one person with his name but it sort of makes sense. When we webcammed he was lying down and never sat up and he said he had been through abuse as a child. I think maybe that's the "big" thing that he had been talking about.
Another thing is being as sweet as he is I mentioned earlier that I was trying to sell things to save up for a new laptop and he said "I can buy you one next month". Of course I turned his offer down but the "next month" thing makes me think he probably gets disability checks once a month.
Then again though he said he'd dated A LOT before and I can't see somebody in a wheelchair dating a lot. We had also made plans that we were going to meet up and go to the mall,out to eat,to the movies and to a nature park and I don't think somebody who's physically disabled would want to do all of those things but I suppose they could just fine they would just be in a chair.
What do you think?
Also if he is disabled how do I handle that? I get super emotional around people who are hurt because I have a brother who was in a horrible car crash that left him with a few disabilities (though none mentally). I tend to "baby" them and always ask if they're okay or need help.
Also I don't think I could date somebody who was in a wheelchair. Does that make me an awful person? I think he's absolutely wonderful but I'm not good at taking care of adults...I wouldn't be comfortable because I'd always be worried I was going to hurt him or that I wouldn't be able to help him...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
'I can't see someone in a wheelchair dating alot' - first off don't sterotype honey!
I think you should ask him right out.Ask him about the stuff he wanted to tell you, and explain you need to know as you feel uncomfortable carrying the relationship on (which you do)
You can't make any clear decisions untill you know the truth. If he is then he'll be glad you asked and if not then I wouldn't bother with him any longer-what guy spends a whole webcam session lying down?
Once you know the truth, then inbox me or ask another question about how to deal with it-take one step at a time is my main advice :)
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Does it matter?
A.) You aren't attracted to him.
B.) If he HAS been actively hiding his disability from you, that's a bit of questionable choice and might even be fundamentally dishonest (and kind of dumb) on his part.
C.) He's being creepy offering to buy you a laptop after knowing him for a week.
That's last one is weird. It's not even sweet. It's just weird. It also sounds like he might be a good deal older than you.
So cool it off, stop chatting him up so much, and make it clear he is just a friend.
I'm sure a person in a wheelchair could date frequently (and really, anyone can date frequently if they go around offering to buy people they barely know expensive things like laptops). He'd also be more than capable of going to the mall and out for food in a wheelchair. These are places that are generally completely accessible these days.
Does it make you a bad person for not wanting to date someone in a wheelchair? Well, honestly it's is the kind of thing I think you should try to stay open to in your life, but it hardly makes you a bad person if it's not something you are capable of doing in a healthy and happy way at the moment.
The far more important question right now is: Do you really want to date this guy who you don't find attractive, who you think has been less than honest with you, and who says silly things like 'I'll buy you a laptop when I get the money'? In your shoes, I wouldn't want to date this person. That's something you need to be honest about, regardless of any health issues he might have.
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