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am i crazy or is this normal??
ok im a 13yr old female and have been a cutter for 2 years.i know its a terrible thing,im getting some treament but stin ill kinda confused:im covered with cuts and scars,shoulder to ankle.i think there soooo ugly but hate when they fade.i want them to stay fresh and bleeding forever it seems,and dont know why.i do NOT want to stop cutting becousse it helps a ton becouse i m bullied and all that shit.i get sad when i take a shawer becouse all the blood washes away and it helps me so much and i dont want them to go.some day i may want them to go but not any time soon.im also triggered by bare wrists.in a way im just ashamed of what ive done to myself and want to be free of it.but i dont want to have scar free wrists and i cut more if i notice if they have perfect skin becouse im jelous in a way i geuss ..its become an everyday thing were i cut a ton pleases help im scared ill kill myself even though iv tried before.have i gone crazy????
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This is not normal but you are not crazy either. In fact what you may be going through might be what your doctor could be calling teenage depression. Doctors today are making this diagnosis more and more often and why shouldn't they. Depression is all about stress. Today's teenager has a lot of stress placed on them especially young teenagers entering puberty. Female teenagers probably face the most stress.
First you have the physical changes your body is going through. No longer can you wear comfortable undershirts as you now need to wear a bra. The new hormones puberty brings on have triggered your period and you have to deal with that once a month. Then there are boys OMG overnight they went from almost totally ignoring you to being all hands; something else you have to deal with.
Then there are the social changes of going from elementary school to middle school or middle school to high school. If that is not enough parents and teachers are expecting more of you. All of this seems to happen overnight.
Frankly I don't know how any of us ever got passed being a teenager without totally loosing it. Your doing the right thing by getting professional medical help. You need to continue with the therapy as the cutting is bad. You say it yourself; "i'm also triggered by bare wrists." You need to find out why this is a trigger and how to deal with it., When you do you will be able to start to lift the depression that is eating away at you.
I know how depression hurts. I've been down that road and it was a long road to recovery. But I am in recovery and I can attest to the fact that this is a much better place then depression. So work with your therapist and get on that road to recovery. You will be much happier on that road, that I promise you.
I am always here if you need to talk. You can private message me at any time .
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This is an addiction that you just have to get through. Keep working on your treatment. There will be times when it's really hard, but keep trying. Talk to the person you're getting treatment from about what you're feeling. It'll go a long way. It may be harder to do that than to ask for advice on here, but the people on here don't know you or your situation personally. You can absolutely do this and you'll be so much happier in your life when you get past it. You're not crazy, you're just going through what it takes to get over an addiction. If you keep with it, it may suck now, but you won't feel crazy when it's over. Good luck!
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Your not crazy? All u need is to maybe start to feel more positive, and maybe stop cuting I know you say you do it cause your getting bullied, but that's really never going to solve anything I know you say it makes you feel a whole lot better when you cut but really your not feeling better! You might be going though depression! All you need to feel good about youself and start to find help sense you said your bullied
Hope I helped in some way! :)
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