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Always becoming the third party
Hi! i dont have a serious problem, but i'd really like someone's opinions on this.
I've always become the third party for my friends. Whenever one of my friends hang out with their boyfriends, they will always bring me along. It is okay if it is just one of them, but i've had this problem with nearly all of my friends, i greatly dislike this.
I dont mind hanging out with them, since i do get along well with the boyfriends (im a girl, btw) but it always happens like this. they invite me, pick me up from my house, insist i come, then ignore me the whole way through to be all lovey dovey towards each other.
i have never given the impression that im upset if they don't invite me or complained that i dont go out alot (i prefer staying at home actually). in fact, i berate them for always making me the third party, often jokingly so they may not take me seriously.
i just dont understand why a lot of my girlfriends go out of their way to invite me to hang out with them and their boyfriends alone, when they much prefer to spend their time alone. it's seriously AWKWARD for me.
*sorry, i am ranting because this has happened soooo many times and with different set of couples.*
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Actually I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here. Your friends look to you to come with them because they don't want to be alone with their boyfriends. I think they want you to be there to make sure their boyfriends don't try and pressure them into going too far with them and they know they won't if they have another friend around to make that awkward. It's like reverse psychology.
I think this because I've done the same thing with one of my friends and they have with me. I'd invite her so that when the conversation went silent or got awkward I had somebody else to talk to. I also knew if she was with my then boyfriend (now my ex) wouldn't try and make out with me or anything.
It's like I'm going out with somebody for the first time next week but I'm bringing a friend with me because I don't want to meet him alone on the off chance that he tries something sketchy and if I have a friend there and me and the guy don't get along so great I still have my friend there to make me feel comfortable.
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Well it could be because they THINK you may feel left out and lonely. They make think, that you get the impression that they are doing things without you.
It may also be because they don't feel comfortable alone with their boyfriends, especially if you are all young.
It may also be for someone to be there, so they have someone to speak to.
What should you do? Speak to them! Nothing serious is required her, but just a "You know, I've always wondered, wouldn't the two of you rather be alone? I don't want to intrude, or feel awkward or anything" or something similar.
Just let them know that you don't mind if they do things with their boyfriends. Say that you don't mind going, but surely they would want to be alone?
Speaking to them is the only way to solve it. Either that, or you could out right refuse to go. But then, you'd never really know why then always ask you, and they may get offended.
Good luck!
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