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Am I being ridiculous?
Okay so this boy (Ty) and I dated and broke up. We are on the verge of getting back together (no comments on that please). But we need to talk before we get back together and I said to him that he needs to find a day to do that and then he told me that I am in charge of that. He was the one who broke up with me and he is the one pushing to get back together (I mean I want to get back together but I wouldn't have tried to unless he told me he wanted to(if that makes sense)). I think he need to make the plans and talk but he thinks I should. I just want to know if an right that he should be the one to make the plans because he was the cause of the break up. But then I started thinking, it's not just the guys job to do all that. It has to be equal. Right?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Make what plans? How about a simple, "hey, let's get back together"? "okay" (hug, kiss, hold hands as you guys walk into the sunset together). Or what, you want him to make some kind of big pain the butt event out of it?
Listen, here is a life lesson: STOP OVERTHINKING! It drives both you and your partners nuts. When you live a life of simplicity things become much easier.
If you need something more nuanced than the simple solution I proposed above, I would suggest you guys talk about on what basis you will conduct your relationship from here on in. Most things in life are obtained through some kind of negotiation and so you have to decide on what you will bring to the table as part of the negotiation. So write down the things you want out of your relationship and have him do the same. Don't look at them as all being hard and fast deal breakers. Leave wiggle room in there so that neither of you feels like you're a captive of the other.
Also, keep in mind that guys, especially teenage guys, aren't as verbally equipped as women. Men are more doers than talkers while women use talking to do whatever it is they are trying to accomplish, especially when it comes to solidifying relationships. You guys will also be somewhat at cross purposes with each other in that because guys are dominance oriented (that is, they want to feel in control) while women are security driven (they want to feel safe), you will have to hash out a way both of those things can be attained rather than doing what most women do, see relationships as a one way street at which the chief purpose is to tick all the boxes on their agenda and if they aren't they guilt trip their man relentlessly about it, which makes him resentful because then he doesn't feel in control and it seems as if his validity as a man is being challenged. What the guy wants in the relationship, to most women, is considered an afterthought AT BEST, which is totally unfair. So the question is, can you rise above your self centered interest and carve out something both of you will find mutually satisfying?
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Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a deal who makes the plans to talk. If he wants you to do it, and you're willing to make the plans, then go ahead. It's all good as long as he goes along with those plans. If he gets picky with the plans then he should make them himself.
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