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How do people develop "types" they're attracted to?
I know this is long, please bear with me, here. I sort of just wrote what came to mind. I'd greatly appreciate your response, this is really something I just keep to myself
For some reason I'm mainly attracted to guys with medium-length shaggy brown hair and blue or green eyes who are really into music as I am, and it just makes me instantly swoon. I'm occasionally attracted to other guys, too, mainly if they're into the same music as me or are attractive in a different way, but I've noticed I have this trend since I was pretty young. How does this sort of thing develop?
It sort of weirds me out because I'm black, and I don't like how there's controversy over "interracial" relationships, so I'd be afraid of what others thought if I got in one, but at the same time, I'm rarely attracted to guys of my own skin tone, cause I either feel that they're like family or I'm not attracted to them cause we have conflicting personalities. Growing up, I lived in relatively diverse upper middle class areas, and traveled around, so I often feel like I don't really fit anywhere. Maybe I'm not supposed to, but it just causes me to often feel lonely, but something I really connect with others is music, and I just happen to mainly like so called "underground" music so it's harder for me to find others with that same passion (especially where I live currently), so when I do it's a big deal to me. And I've only met a few other black people IRL who are just as into this sort of thing. It may seem like I'm exaggerating but I really feel like music was the best friend I had in high school, cause I can think of so many bad days where I'd come home and instantly be comforted by songs. I like going to concerts a lot, too, and feel comforted when there's some other black people there, too, so I don't feel like such a weirdo, too (if only people at concerts went to my school.. everyone's always really nice and I always come back with good new friends)
I'm the sort of person who's nice to everyone, cause that's just how I like to be treated in return, but I suppose cause of my background or something in school I never really got on with most african americans I met, as one might expect. I don't think it could be due to my african roots when other kids with african parents seemed to get on great with others. could it because I never fit any stereotypes or anything, and never felt the need to apologize for it? I don't know. But maybe this is why I'm typically not attracted to african american guys, cause I'm reminded of the ones I wasn't compatible with in the past, even if I had been attracted to them. I actually see other foreign black guys better, cause I'm originally foreign myself, from the uk (been living in america since I was a kid, though), so I feel like I can really relate to that. I relate to a lot of other immigrants too, but sometimes I feel kind of left out when, for example, indian immigrants treat me different from the way they treat their other indian immigrant friends. I literally treat everyone the same, but I've just been hurt so much in childhood I'm sure it's hurt my self confidence and everything. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and what not.. but I'm not going to change myself to something I'm not, I just wish I could connect better with others or something, even though at the same time, I want to connect with others more?
Anyways, to bring things back to what this question was originally about, i'm not racist or self hating about me being black or w/e (wasn't brought up that way) and I think its fine for people to be in interracial relationships like any other relationship, but I'd feel insecure about personally being in one. And people assuming things about me and judging me and what not, when they don't really know me. And I also wonder if I'm supposed to mainly like guys who look like me, cause most of the world is like that, and something's wrong with me or something? It's embarrassing to say but that just makes me feel insecure, when at the same time, I like my personality and how I look. I feel like it's a paradox, which leads me to not feel like I can date anyone, and nobody wants to be alone forever
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think that you shouldn't worry what others think and just be with whoever you fall for.
As for the "types" that we seem to want... I have no idea. I ask myself that all the time Lol.
I'm a white country girl from Florida so obviously I'm a sucker for southern/country men and also military men. If I find a southern man that is or was in the military I swoon there on the spot. I have no idea why Lol. Especially since I try to avoid military men...but at the end of the day ill probably fall for someone in the military.
Good luck! And don't worry what others think, do what you want and fall for whoever! Its your life not theirs!
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