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Will things work with my ex?
When my ex and me met there was an amazing instant connection, he was everything Id ever wanted, completely perfect and we knew we were eachothers soulmates...I would have died for him. (Im 18 years to clarify) He took me out for meals, we had fun, spent everyday with eachother and for 7 amazing months were inseperable.
But 7 months in he got scared, I came back from a trip skiing and everything was re-ignited, he realised he loved me a lot and freaked out about me going to uni after my gap year (he was cheated on by his past 4 girlfriends) and said he wanted to get engaged after uni, but couldnt stand losing me to another guy there. I was devastated.
After he dumped me he slept with someone else (his choice, he was single), and came crying to me, saying he'd made a massive mistake and wanted what we had, he'd been an idiot.
I took him back, but it's not the same :/
He likes to keep his private life (me) and his social life (his friends) seperate.
He won't say he loves me because he's too scared of what it will mean.
We don't go out for meals anymore, its like Im a secret?
He always seems tired and never excited to see me...I only see him once a week for a few hours and I KNOW he has more time, he always used to make it for me.
I know he's being exclusive, but we're just stuck seeing eachother with him not acting like he really cares :( He says Im over emotional, and I do get upset about everything sometimes, but he used to cuddle me and tell me it'd be alright, and now he just gets angry :( He doesn't act romantic anymore and seems kind of bored with me :(
I'd still do anything for him, as I remember the guy he can be...I just don't understand what I should do? :(
Advice appreciated xx
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This guy doesn't necessary sound like a bad person, but he does sound super immature. Getting scared and backing out of a relationship is something younger guys tend to do because they're scared of getting hurt or rushing into something their heart isn't fully in. They really just don't know what they want. It sounds like this guy doesn't either if he hooked up with one girl and then came crying back to you. Does that seem like someone who has a really great sense of self and what they stand for? Probably not. He's not going to be able to have a mature, stable relationship until he figures out if that's actually what he wants or not.
Now let's talk about the red flags that should be hinting that you need to hightail it out of there. He considers you his private life and not his social life? What kind of fuckery is that? If you're his girlfriend, he needs to include you in other areas of his life. He can't simply be intimate with you then refuse to be seen with you in public. He should want to incorporate you into his social circle. Furthermore, if he's too immature to say that he loves you because of "what it will mean," then you shouldn't be wasting your valuable time giving him your love and affection. A relationship needs to be a two-way street. You can't be the only one coming from a place of love. Finally, if you aren't going out anymore, it's safe to say the honeymoon is definitely over. Once it is, there needs to be something more than infatuation to keep a relationship together. There needs to be respect and understanding, and it doesn't seem like there's too much of that going around in your neck of the woods.
Leave the relationship. I know it's going to suck. You're going to spend months crying in bed. We've all been there before, and most of us will probably be there again. But you'll learn from this. You'll see that you don't need to be with someone who strings you along and plays with your emotions. You'll learn to stand on your own two feet. Go away to university single and don't promise ANYONE that you might get engaged afterwards. You need to be on your own to get a better sense of self, which will ultimately help you nurture mature relationships. You two have really outgrown each other, and now it's time to be on your own.
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If he can't appreciate you in every way, Then he can't appreciate you at all. If I were in your shoes, It would either be, you want to be with me and be proud to show our love or you simply don't want to be with me at all. If he loves you, wants to be with you then he should have no reason to hide you.
Now the brutal truth; You broke up, He slept with someone else. Although you may of been broken up at the time, He came between the love he had for you and put it aside for someone else. Now that you are both trying to rekindle the relationship he has to come to terms in trying to fix the connection he originally had with you. On the other behalf, He broke up with you, Slept with someone else, and you took him back after that. Although you were indeed not together at the time I don't see how that is much different then cheating in a way.
Now an example; When someone cheats and then their partner takes them back of course it's not going to be the same. You broke the connection with the person, You broke their trust and you betrayed them. Technically in a way this is the same thing between you and your boyfriend.
It sounds to me that this kid doesn't know what he wants, He is with you but he wants to keep you a "secret" encase all doesn't work out. So, basically what I'm implying here is that damage may of well be done.
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This sounds like the same situation my friend had. Her bf (now ex didn't work out for diff reasons) was to scared to let anyone see her or even do things with her in public and he ran away because he been cheated on so many times.
He's soo scared of losing you that he think he's protecting himself from the hurt of losing you, but he don't realize that doing this makes him push you away further.
You have to give him some time, but not too much time because then he will get comfortable. You should talk to him and let him know that your his. You took him back for a reason because you love him no one else. Guys who been hurt so many times needs a little reassurance.
You should do something romantic for him tonight and show him that your his. That your not going anywhere. & slowly he will become this romantic love bird with you again. He's just scared of getting his heart hurt again. & He's pushing you away while protecting himself.
You have to remember guys aren't like us girls. When we see someone we like we get attached quick guys can just hit & run so when they get their heart break that means he really truly cared. & He's afraid of truly caring for the wrong one again for a 5th time.
Show him that he's giving his heart to a good protector and your not going to destroy it.
Goodluck :)
Hope i helped
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