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In love, but not sexually attracted

Question Posted Monday July 30 2012, 11:29 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two years now and he is a great guy. I have nothing to complain about him. He treats me very well and I really do love him. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. There's only one catch though. I'm sexually bored. I never am in the mood with him anymore and I never feel like doing things or having sex. I feel bad because I love him to death and I know I should but I'm never in the mood. He took my virginity and for awhile after that I loved being "with" him. But now, it's different. Im not sure why I am like this. I really don't understand. I love him but I never want to have sex anymore or mess around. Why am I like this? And what can I do to get out of this funk?

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Erinn_the_bamf answered Wednesday August 1 2012, 9:01 pm:
Like adviceman said, this could be caused by your birth control. You should have a conversation with your OBGYN and consider switching to a non-hormonal form of birth control if this is seriously affecting your relationship.

If you're not on birth control you may have just grown bored and complacent in the relationship. Don't beat yourself up over it--it happens all the time. Right now you need to try to bring the spark back. The easiest way to do this is trying new things. This doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. Even trying a new restaurant while wearing sexy new perfume might be enough. The theory is new experiences get our adrenaline pumping and helps us become sexually interested in each other.

Spicing things up in the bedroom a little bit doesn't hurt either. Try to make your foreplay last a little longer, wear sexy lingerie, or convince your lover to give you a back massage to put you in the mood. Also, try having sex every day for a week with no exceptions. Doing it regularly might light that fire under you again.

If all else fails, consider if you can really be happy in a relationships where the sexual chemistry has gone away. If you can't get it back, it might be time to move on.

[ Erinn_the_bamf's advice column | Ask Erinn_the_bamf A Question

adviceman49 answered Tuesday July 31 2012, 10:59 am:
This may be caused by your birth control pill if you are on birth control. The hormones in the pill may be overriding your libido. Talk to your GYN about this you may require a different medication or a different type of birth control.

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