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Instead of Drugs, My Boyfriend Abuses Video Games
I have always gone for gamer geeks, ever since I started dating at 18 years old. Right now I am dating a 22, technically 23 year-old man who seems to live an entire lifestyle that is dominated entirely by video games, so much so that it is unhealthy. I see a future with my current boyfriend and I like a lot of other qualities about him, he's committed to having a career in accounting, a field that is constantly growing even in this bad economy; he is extremely supportive, I went through a short period of time where my dad and I were not even talking, when I was going through that negative experience he offered me a shoulder to cry on and assured me that things would get better; I have fun with him when he is not attached to his computer playing the latest video game, he makes me laugh and we have a best friend relationship, as well as having a good romantic relationship; and I feel really good about our relationship. All of his qualities that peeve me about him, and I can tell will cause problems for him stem from the fact that he is addicted to playing video games.
During the summer time when my boyfriend is not in college he has no schedule, I have seen this and his mother has as well. I feel like this is partially because he will spend until 4 to 9:00 in the morning playing video games, which is fine when you are 18 or 19 years old. However my boyfriend is almost out of college, and from there is going to be working a full time job before he knows it. When that happens my boyfriend will be working the typical 9 to 5 work schedule that most Americans work. I have seen him sleep until 5:00 in the afternoon, there is nothing wrong with sleeping in, especially when you are working all day HOWEVER I think that 5 is kind of late to be starting your day off.
Having no schedule also means that my boyfriend always eats right before he goes to bed, which is bad especially when he does not make the healthiest food choices. For example I have seen him eat buffalo chicken wings at 4:45 in the morning, something that has a lot of calories and can also cause stomach problems. Since he eats at all kinds of times, makes unhealthy food choices, and does not burn calories he is 100 pounds overweight.
The fact that he is 100 pounds overweight affects our sex life, not to a point that is completely horrible and we do not have sex but he has NEVER taken his shirt off for me. One of those reasons is that he has always felt like I have a good body, I am 135 pounds and 5'4” (a healthy weight) and he is really negative about his. However the fact that my boyfriend does not take his shirt off means that there is only a point where is willing to get intimate with me, like what is underneath his shirt is a secret that he keeps from his girlfriend of over a year.
Also when you are sitting at your computer all day, you are not burning calories which means that you are only going to pack on more pounds. I am one of those people that is known for spending all day at her computer, and I do not really work out so maybe I should not really be saying anything. However I am worried that if he keeps on living this lifestyle he will die at only 40 years old.
My boyfriend told both his mother and me that he is going to start a drastic diet where he will lose weight, after his 23rd birthday ( his birthday is on the 31st). I am just hoping that he will be able to stick to this diet, because I have seen him go on diet after diet which he never stays on for particularly long.
My boyfriend's gaming addiction also causes problems with our relationship, like when I am spending time with him I feel like he brushes me off for his video games. Maybe he will lay in bed with me for the day, talking to me, and he always tries to schedule dates with me – take me to the movies and out to eat, however most of the time I feel like he is on the computer with his newest video game all the time. I also have discovered that even though he likes sleeping by me, he never goes to bed with me. Even on the nights that we have sex before I go to bed, my boyfriend will tell me that he has to go to bathroom and then he never comes back to bed, and I will find him on the computer.
I feel like it is hard for me to do anything for him, since a lot of time he is a state away from me; but if he continues this lifestyle it is seriously going to negatively impact him. My boyfriend's father was a heroin addict, his father died when my boyfriend was 15 years old after he had only seen him for four times in his life. I know that addiction runs in my boyfriend's family, which is why he has never even experimented with weed, but I feel like instead of heroin, like his father, my boyfriend is addicted to video games.
How exactly do I stop my boyfriend from slowly, unintentionally committing suicide, and negatively impacting his life, including his future?
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I totally understand where you are coming from. For video gamers its a release its an escape from reality. It's a place where you are in control in their own virtuality reality. He may have a hard time dealing with whats going on around him and that maybe why he turns towards video games to escape.
Have you ever talked to him about it? Have you ever told him how you feel when he chooses video games over you?
My boyfriend use to be really addicted to his games. My boyfriend and I are extremely close and when something is wrong we say something. I stressed to him about how much it was affecting our time together and how we really need a figure out a solution. I don't blame him for wanting to come home and play a game to relieve stress but my boyfriend at the time was playing until the early morning or all day on his days off. I couldn't take it because it started to affect our time together. I also got into the games a bit to show interest but when I wanted to go somewhere I made it known. My boyfriend loves me and would do anything for me and when I told him to fix his gaming a bit he did. And now he's trying to finish school and trying to start our future together.
Have a serious talk with him and tell him that you mean business. Maybe he can plan or set aside a couple of hours to play a game during the week or what have you. When you come over to the hosue and stay maybe the computer can go off? Communication is key in this situation! Good luck!
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If you both have a close relationship then you should have no problem talking about his habits and the way it affects you.
You could make plans, Maybe he is one of those guys that needs something to look forward too. My husband used to be big on video games a few years ago but I've worked with him to get him out of that.
We joined planet fitness, We work out together. We make plans to do things when we both aren't working. We are in our late 20's and a fairly active couple.
You need to come up with a plan, A routine that you both can work at.
I will explain how I did it, Maybe it will give you both some ideas.
I work and go to school part time, My husband works 2 jobs and gets 2 days off a week.
Every week we make a plans to do things on his day off. We go to the movies, zoo, gym, park etc. We always have something to look forward too. While we both have hectic schedules we will try to award each other with fun.
My advice, Talk to him. Let him know it bothers you he spends too much time on his video games. Maybe you could motivate him into joining a gym, You both could go together and be one another support. It's the summer and you both should be enjoying yourselves. If he isn't all for the gym try and find another active thing you both can enjoy. Going to the Zoo is fun and requires a lot of walking, I'm not sure if you both like to hike but that's another great thing to do. Check with your local college sometimes they offer community swimming for low prices.
I don't know much about his life from what you've said above but is he by any chance suffering from depression? If so I would suggest maybe he see a doctor where he can get himself help. Nobody should ever have to sit in misery. Life can be so much fun but we have to have goals. No matter the schedule always make sure you have ME and US time. When you talk to him just make sure you don't come out and attack him. Try to motivate him into doing something more active, Let him know that you are concerned for him and want to see him happy.
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