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I have recieved a nasty letter out of the blue from my Father
I am 59 my mother died 20yrs ago my father remarried to someone we had know for years. TODAY i have received a nasty letter from father saying he doesn't want cards/phonecalls/visits, he is ashamed and disgusted with me and my sister because we never made and effort with his wife, when i lived local i would visit regular we even went to slimming club together yet he seems to have forgotten this. He has left orders that we are not to be contacted if he dies. His wife died Feb 2012 funeral was day before wedding anniversary, no one contacted us to let us know. DO I REPLY OR IGNORE HIS LETTER.
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Your father sounds a lot like my father did before he passed away. I received several nasty letters from my father prior to his passing. In fact we never spoke or saw each other for over ten years right up to his death. But that was always the way my father punished me as a child. He was always right and until I accepted that fact he refused to talk to me.
Now my father did suffer, undiagnosed depression and possibly in the later stages of his life some dementia. It is possible that if the way your father is presently acting is totally out of character for him. Then dementia is a possibility. It is also very possible what your seeing is grief over the loss of his second wife.
Grief manifest itself in many ways, anger is just one of them and he is lashing out at those closest to him. I cannot tell you exactly what to to do but ignoring him is not what I would recommend. Ignoring his letters yes. It might be good to see if you and your sister can get him some grief counseling and to his doctor for a good check up as well.
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Is this sort of thing totally out of character for your father? If so, then he may be suffering from some form of dementia, in which case you and your sister should get together and make an effort to reach out to him and find out. If you're 59 years old, then I assume he must be around 80; that doesn't mean he MUST be losing his mental facilities, but it does make it a stronger possibility. Even if he is still fully sound in mind, it may be that grief is affecting him to the point where he is no longer thinking rationally.
I suggest that you and your sister make an attempt at reconciliation. It is more likely to succeed if you do it together, and you may need each other for support if it goes badly. If you can, try to contact someone who knows him well and see if that person can give you some insight on why your father may be acting this way. Don't bother replying by letter or phone; he'll probably throw out any letter he receives from you unopened, and he can just hang up the phone and refuse to answer it again. If you want to have any hope of restoring a relationship, you need to see him in person.
If you're going to do it, do it fairly soon; at his age, you may not have much time.
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