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Am I Wrong For Feeling Like This
I wanted to know why I feel so alone and always second best. I have a few obvious reasons. My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. Ever since my body started to develop as well as my own personality she has made fun of me. She wouldn't allow me to wear certain things my younger sister was able to wear. She also favored her more. I don't know if it was because her dad was married to my mom and she pretends to not know where my dad is. I turned to a life of drugs and prostitution at the age 17 because I was homeless. Either she was kicking me out or I couldn't take it and ran away. I still communicate with her but she doesn't make since to me. Everything she says is :i tried my best" "i just want my kids to be happy" and then turns around and does nothing to accomplish a healthy mature relationship with me after everything we have been through.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My mom and dad just got divorced 7 months ago and for a while I kept telling myself that it didn't bother me. I blamed my mom for this. I thought she was to blame for every reason that caused them to divorce. She didn't listen to what he had to say, she was selfish and inconsiderate towards him when he looked for a job for her. We moved away, back to our hometown. We left my dad behind because he didn't want to go back with us. I wanted to stay with him but my mom was being a selfish hypocrite and didn't want to "leave her baby behind". The whole time we've spent with our mom here, I've been ice cold to her, for "no reason" even when she gave me a compliment. Every SINGLE tiny little thing she did made me want to ram her head into the wall! Constantly I thought like this. About 2 months ago, though, I broke down and cried. She asked what was wrong, and like every other time I cried, I pushed her away and said, "If you really cared, we wouldn't be here!" the only thing that happened differently was that she forced me to tell her really what was happening inside my head. When I didn't talk, she guessed. I kept saying no to every one of her guesses, thinking there was nothing wrong I just got so ashamed of myself for wanting to hurt her that I cried. But when she said, "is it about your father?" I froze. I realized something about myself. The divorce was eating away at me, and I couldn't do anything for a while. All I did was get mad and cry. for a while I didn't know why.
I guess my point is I felt better after I talked to my mom, as furious and reluctant as I was. She made me realize the things that I didn't even know. Along with many, many, MANY other problems I had, no, HAVE with her still. They all came out. I'm not saying it will "magically help you solve every little problem you have with your mommy" because that's just pure bullshit. It COULD happen. I will guarantee, though, that you will fell free if you let every single little problem or worry out into the open. You'll definitely feel better. But i'm not here to sugarcoat it for you. I'm here to help. You should give it a try :)
Good Luck :)
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I know you said that you talk to your mother, but I don't think you tell her everything on your mind. If you feel that she is being hypocritical then tell her that. I feel that you kept all of your feelings bottled up and that resorted in your turn to drugs and prostitution. Seek out therapy if you need to, but you need to fix you and your mom's relationship AND FAST. A life without family is NOTHING!
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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