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I cheated 2 years ago. should i tell him?


Question Posted Thursday July 12 2012, 1:40 pm

it all started having sex on day two after we met. it was all fine until i cheated for a whole month with my best friend. i got pregnant by my boyfriend but i had been stopped seeing my best friend. My boyfriend and i have a daughter, he doesn't know about me and my best friend having sex after me and him got together. I think he cheated also because he is super jealous, cant even go outside with my daughter without him doubting. Should i tell him? (about me and my best friend) hoping that he tells me why hes so jealous? (maybe he cheated too)!. i want to get over this because now theres screaming and hitting going on in the house. when we wake and and we go to sleep its juszt argue and argue

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youngr answered Monday July 16 2012, 4:42 pm:
I'm not sure I agree with much danger wrote.

I would not tell him. He may know, but if you tell him he will have to deal with it. And, if "hitting" is part of the response, you could be in danger.

You need to truly evaluate this relationship. You have a daughter together, so sacrifices need to take place for her well being. But, it doesn't sound as if you have a very good relationship to begin with.

I would suggest you work on building a better relationship together and forget about easing your own guilt. At the same time, you need to understand why you were unfaithful and deal with it. Don't hurt him to make you feel better.

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DangerNerd answered Thursday July 12 2012, 5:01 pm:
Hi there,

I understand why you are hoping he cheated on you too, but I can tell you what is more likely:

He knows you cheated.

These things rarely stay hidden, and sometimes a guy can just tell you cheated on him by the way that you behave around him.

See, I have been in the situation where you know your partner has cheated on you and wait patiently for them to tell you the truth, because you love them and you want everything to work out. If they never tell the truth, then it begins to wear on you. After two YEARS it would be driving you crazy.

Here is my take on it: He knows you cheated on him, and has been waiting two years (or however long it has been since he figured it out) for you to tell the truth and make things better. You have been going along like this for all this time, and now he can hardly stand to be around you because he KNOWS what you have done.

From my own experience, that is what this sounds like to me.

If you knew he cheated on you... and he didn't tell you for two years, but you knew all along, how much would you trust him? How jealous would you be? See what I mean?

As far as hitting going on in the house, that has to stop. If you want to make this work, you are going to need to seek counseling. First things first is to stop the hitting. I am guessing that you are doing the hitting, because you didn't make a point of saying he beats you... if that is the case, you need to stop taking out your own guilt on him with your fists. If it is the other way around, or you are both doing it, I am going to suggest that you do NOT confess what you have done until you get into counseling.

No matter WHAT... the hitting has to stop.

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