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I'm not fit for relationships
18/F
So, I'm currently dating this boy who is two years younger than me. He's very sweet and caring, never gets mad at me, mature for his age, buys me things (even when I tell him not to), and he's pretty much the perfect boyfriend. At first, I was so excited and giddy whenever we were together. We're both really shy, so it started out slow. It's still kind of slow as all we do is kiss and hug. We've been dating for a year and four months now too.
The problem? I don't think I'm fit for a relationship now because I don't really like kissing people; it feels awkward. I'm perfectly happy with just friends and family. Heck, I'm happier just sitting by myself at the computer. People keep telling me to take my relationship with my boyfriend further, but I honestly don't want to. I simply cannot imagine myself in a sexual situation and when I try to, my stomach churns and I just don't even want to think about it. Sex is just something I prefer not to discuss or imagine myself doing nor do I wish to try. I can't even get turned on about things. I'm a happy virgin.
What I'm trying to ask is (and I apologize for the length of this) should I just break up with my boyfriend? If so, how? If not, what can I do to make things more comfortable?
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I read and reread your question several times to make sure I understand what your asking.
First you say you get "giddy" when you are together. Then after explaining that you are not into hugging, kissing and sex for know is a turn off to you, you ask should you break up with your boy friend. The only reason you give is your "friends" think you should be having sex with this 16 year old boy.
First, forget what your friends are telling you, they are not in the relationship you are. Second, this 16 year old boy, from what you have written is no pressing you to have sex with him. Like you he may not be ready for sex.
Everyone matures at a different rate. The fact that you are not interested or prefer not to discuss sex does not surprise me. You sound a little like my youngest niece who while going through puberty did not want to discuss sex and found it repulsive. Today she is married to wonderful guy and I'm pretty sure sex is part of their marriage. I'm just as sure you will in time, with the right guy change your mind.
From what you have written I see no reason for you to break up with this boy. It appears that the two of you are comfortable with each other the way things are so why change things. Should things change in the future then you two may want to talk about what is needed in your relationship to make each other or the other happier.
The key to any successful relationship, be it a love relationship or professional relationship, is communication. As long as you can talk to each other and keep the line of communication open the relationship should not fail. Something to remember.
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Let me ask you this, Are you happy in your relationship? I had a hard time nailing that down because you stated you were happy then you wanted to break up with him.
Honestly, If you don't want to have sex then don't. If he isn't pressuring you into it and nagging you about it then what exactly is the problem? I think you are perfectly capable of being in a relationship. Maybe you are going through a period of where you need to take a break. This doesn't mean split up it just means maybe tone down on how much time you spend with him. Maybe the kissing, hugging and holding hands just became almost like a habit? You could just maybe tone it down a little.
I really don't now what to tell you, If you truly aren't happy then you could tell him this;
"I've been thinking about our relationship lately and I don't feel we are really working out. I feel as if my feelings have changed and I think it would be best to go our separate ways"
There really isn't a nice way to break up with someone. It will be uncomfortable no matter how you drop the bomb on someone but there are certainly ways were you could try to bow out in a more peaceful way and that would be one of them I suppose. Also for the record, I would never try to remain friends with an ex. It's drama and chaos! So make sure this is something you really want to do before you go through with it.
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