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Will someone tell me what I'm going through?
I am Junior in High School and I have been contemplating suicide for a few years. This year, it's appeared in my thoughts more often than previous years. I am drowning in my own misery and I wish I could silence this storm in my mind. I feel empty and yet I have a loving family and a wonderful girlfriend. Nothing heart-wrenching has occurred recently and I have no idea why I feel this pain. I know how selfish it is, but I'm very puzzled. Often, I feel like I'm the source of disappointment and pain of all whom I love. This "feeling" has consumed me completely and I've cut many relationships with family and friends. But, no one takes my struggle seriously and some even encourage it. I don't know what to do with myself.
I just want to disappear for a while or sleep. I just feel so dead and empty but everything is going so well. The other day, I carelessly plugged in a rice cooker with wet hands and it sparked, but I was unharmed. I was verbally scolded and as I ignored it the only words that I heard were, "I don't give a damn about that thing! It's you I'm worried about! That's replaceable, but there's only one you!"
That makes me want to kill myself all the more.
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Coming from someone the around same age as you, you should know that you aren't alone. I know what it's like to be so depressed and not know why. It took me years of being depressed and telling people I was depressed (and not being taken seriously) for me to build up the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to just kill myself. It was one of the best things I've done for myself because when it gets to that point, people WILL take you seriously. If you get to that point, that's what you need to do. It only takes a moment of courage to tell someone that, force yourself to do it. The people around you don't want to see you go. Get yourself help by waking up the people around you and showing them that you need it.
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I can completly relate to you on this level. You have no idea why you could possibly be depressed since everything seems to be going great but something seems off. It's okay. Know that. In fact, this might even be short-term. Mine lasted two months of constantly thinking of suicide or such. It can be ao discouraging when your family or friends don't really try to understand. I have personally wished that I could slip into a coma to just escape life and people.
But please, know that this can get better. Write about these feelings. Truat me, it works. And try do to dtuff that you like. Or even change up your routiens in life.
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What you are experiencing is very severe depression. That's why you feel hopeless and empty and you're in so much pain.
I've gone through that a lot of times, more than I can count in fact, and I've learned that this is no way to live, and if you go get help, you'll be shocked how awesome your life can be. Don't settle for this awful pain and despair.
You deserve the best life you can have, and no one has the right to deny you that. You are irreplaceable in the world, and you should be enjoying your life. It is possible! I am talking from very painful experience. It is impossible to deal with this alone, so please go get help!
You can leave a message in my inbox if you need any support whatsoever. I know what you're going through, and I know that if you go get help you will survive it!
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon :)
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suicide won't help ya even when you do it. You will see alot of bad things.God I dont want 2 talk about this anyway.The defntion of suicide in my opinion that you kill you self before god do.So that mean you will make god angry of you.I use to say life is short so you better make the best of it. I think of suicide before and actually almost of teen do or did.Teens go through mental and phyiscal change.Teenage is the level between childhood and adult so every teen feel and felt that way.And so sO,On you will be fine .Promise ya ;)
Good luck =)
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your depressed and ive gone through this,and ive been prescribed meds.it may just be a faze.try journaling and talking to a friend about it.maby you just need to relize how missed youd be.
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The thing with suicide is it really only hurts the people who love you. You will devastate all of their lives forever. They are the victims of a suicide. Not you. Trust me i know. My beautiful 20 yr old nephew went home one day and hung himself he didnt leave a note and no one has any idea why he did it. He had everything to live for. ( But depression does run in his family and these things often appear in your late teens early 20s.) It has utterly destroyed his family and his many, many friends. It sounds very much like you have a chemical imbalance which is strongly effecting your thoughts and emotions. You need to see a dr and a psychologist ASAP. This is not your fault and not something you can fix yourself. You will probably find that medication will help greatly. But also taking to someone about how your feeling is very useful and will help you untangle what and why you feel the way you do. Good luck and remember that the only true constant in life is change. You will not feel this way forever, it only feels like it.
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