Member Since: June 30, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: July 2, 2012
Visitors: 382
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I am Junior in High School and I have been contemplating suicide for a few years. This year, it's appeared in my thoughts more often than previous years. I am drowning in my own misery and I wish I could silence this storm in my mind. I feel empty and yet I have a loving family and a wonderful girlfriend. Nothing heart-wrenching has occurred recently and I have no idea why I feel this pain. I know how selfish it is, but I'm very puzzled. Often, I feel like I'm the source of disappointment and pain of all whom I love. This "feeling" has consumed me completely and I've cut many relationships with family and friends. But, no one takes my struggle seriously and some even encourage it. I don't know what to do with myself.
I just want to disappear for a while or sleep. I just feel so dead and empty but everything is going so well. The other day, I carelessly plugged in a rice cooker with wet hands and it sparked, but I was unharmed. I was verbally scolded and as I ignored it the only words that I heard were, "I don't give a damn about that thing! It's you I'm worried about! That's replaceable, but there's only one you!"
That makes me want to kill myself all the more. (link)
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Coming from someone the around same age as you, you should know that you aren't alone. I know what it's like to be so depressed and not know why. It took me years of being depressed and telling people I was depressed (and not being taken seriously) for me to build up the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to just kill myself. It was one of the best things I've done for myself because when it gets to that point, people WILL take you seriously. If you get to that point, that's what you need to do. It only takes a moment of courage to tell someone that, force yourself to do it. The people around you don't want to see you go. Get yourself help by waking up the people around you and showing them that you need it.
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