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Letter to my father - Long an I apologize
My father and I have always had our differences. His wife is my step mother whom I never truly got along with I just always tried to be mutual. My step mother has a very obnoxious her way or the high way type of personally. Over time I grew up and realized that little by little she was controlling my father. My relationship with him slowly drifted apart, He called me less and less. I moved out of my parents house and got my first apartment back in 2009 and my father only came to visit me once in the 11 months I was there. My eldest sister was also on rocky terms with him as well as my step mother and my sister never got along because she always tried to walk the whole "This is how you parent your children" and there was an argument. My father called her up while she was 8 months pregnant and told her to have a nice life as she sent an email expressing how she felt about the marriage. I began to loose respect for my father little by little...In time I became angry and resenting him for not standing up to his wife. I moved, changed my number, email and disappeared without saying a word. It is now 3 years later somehow my sister made amends with my father and I have debated a few times whether I should try and contact him again but I am hesitant. It has been a very long time and I still cannot bring myself to forgive nor except his wife but I also feel I have the right to have a relationship with my father. I do not know if it is worth the hassle nor how I would go about it if I contacted him.
My question- Is it best to go my own way or are some things best unsaid?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My advice to your question is quite short. I think your question requires quality, over quantity, so here goes:
I recommend that you speak to him. If you e-mail him, don't bring up old bones. Don't try to tell him how you felt, or how much you don't like your step mom. Just explain that you would really like to meet him, and make amends, as you want him to be a part of your life, because you love him.
Ask him to meet, and be friendly. Also (briefly) explain that although you love him, and want to be a part of him life, you find it unfair that his wife is disrespectful and insulting to you.
If you want her to be respectful to you, then you have to be willing to do the same. No one is saying you have to be bosom buddies. Just be civil, because she obviously makes your father happy. And that after all is what you both want. So be civil. Say hi to her when you see her. Ask her how she is. Ask how work is. Conduct in small talk. Save the big, friendly chummy talk for your father.
So In short: ask to meet your father. Do not be angry. Be civil with his wife. Focus on the future with your dad, rather than the messy part.
Good luck! Hope I helped! :)
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