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Which One?
So back at the beginning of this year I dated a guy who I thought would never date me for a month. He ended up breaking up with me, but dragged it out for another month. It was my first serious relationship, and it was very hard for me. (His name is Dakota). He is an only child, and his dad is the type of guy who cheats, and is abusive (I know this for a fact). And his mom is not a strong independent person so she is belittled.
Then I met another guy named (Dakota, or Koda for short) as well. It's ironic how many things they have in common, but are so different. He has had a hard life, and works his ass off to get what he wants. He is not very academic like Dakota #1, but he is a country farm boy and can do anything asked of him outdoors.
The issue is that I care for them both.
Even after that hard breakup, i still have feelings for Dakota, and found out that he was thinking of committing suicide, and so we are friends again so that he has someone trustworthy to talk to.
So in honest opinion, would you choose the loud, funny, guy who is 100% like his father, but is smart? Or would you choose the quiet, nice farm boy who has been hurt to many times to count?
My heart tells me Koda. But then how do I get rid of this underlying attraction torwards Dakota.?
Thanks
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Well, it sounds like they are both damaged goods. You probably won't like my response, but my answer is neither.
If Dakota is abusive and unfaithful (which he is if he's 100 percent like his father), then you shouldn't be with him regardless of what other good qualities he may have.
The other guy sounds like a really good guy, the problem is that I get the feeling that you aren't really all that into him. If he has already been hurt too many times, you may be setting him up to get hurt once again. I would recommend taking some time away from both of them until you get over the first guy, and then try to start something with Koda later on.
The suicide thing isn't something to be ignored, but it isn't something you should necessarily handle. If you know a friend of his, maybe you could express your concern to his friend and let him/her take care of it. The reality is that the longer you make him think there is a chance you will get back together, the worse it will get. A clean break might hurt at first, but it's ultimately his only chance at getting out of the funk that he's in.
Just to sum it all up. Take some time away from them both, and when you are over Dakota, feel free to try to have something serious with Koda. If you start a relationship with him now, while you still have feelings for the other guy, it's destined to fail and you'll just end up hurting him. Whatever you do, definitely don't go back to the abusive/cheating type. It will end horribly.
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