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Don't care for sex anymore?
Hi, 19/f and my boyfriend is 19/m
Well, we've been together for almost 2 years; I took his virginity, and I had another partner before him.
When we first started having sex, we would do it often. If not sex, we would fool around.
Now, I don't care for sex. I don't even like doing sexual things to him; make out, whatever, and I don't know what is wrong. I can tell that it hurts him that I'm not sexually affectionate anymore; but it's hurting me too because I'm not too sure why.
Everytime we have sex, he cums within 2-3 minutes; he tries a lot to do things, but I'm just not feeling it. I cannot reach the big 'o' either, and he helps me with clit stimulation-but idk. :/
I love him so much. And I don't want him to feel like I'm not attracted to him anymore, because I am. I've told him that plenty of times, but I think he's getting a little restless (i don't think he'd go cheat on me because he isn't getting sexual needs met)
Even with my last partner, I was with him for almost 9 months, and at first, I enjoyed it, and than after 5 months, I just didn't crave it anymore. I think I have a low sex drive; I'm not sure. I heard depression also causes loss sex drive; and my mother suffers from it and takes medication and there are days where I'm depressed and don't even know why; I've looked up symptoms and I believe I have majority; the only one I don't have is suicidal thoughts and what not.
It could also be because we are living with my parents and before he moved in, his mother walked in on us and I was so embarassed, and I really don't want my mom or dad walking in on us;
but even when NO ONE is home, I don't want to do it.
Another thing that confuses me is,
in April we went to Gatlinburg, TN- just the two of us for 3 days; I wanted to get away from stress with work and college; and same with him;
and we had sex atleast 10 times and I was craving it so bad.
Any help?
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I'm old enough to be you grandfather and maybe a little older than your parents. Maybe I'm a little to liberal in my views but you are of legal age and above the age of consent in every state. Nhaving obtain the age of majority certain rights and privileges come with the. Privacy of a lockable door is among them as is the right to a sex life. You made it through your adolescent years without becoming pregnant, that should count for something.
They may believe it is the tight control they kept on you. I know better not because you said so but because you are not with child. Their control did not keep you a virgin.
Now you do live under there roof and may still be dependent on them. Respect for them and their beliefs is still in order. They to must give you some respect in that you now have legal control over your life and they must allow you to take control. That is the hard part for parents, letting go of their children and allowing them to grow. Daughters especially for you will always be daddy's little girl even when you marry and have kis of your own.
You need to talk with them. Tell the that you an adult, a fledgling adult may be, but legally an adult. You need privacy and a chance to to explore what life is and has to offer if you are ever going to make your way in this world as they have.
Then answer their questions. If they ask about a sex life ba honest and tell them..
I'm not a doctor so I really can't give you an answer. You have a lot of issues here that would make sex an issue of contention for you. The biggest of them would be your pregnancy scares and the fact a parent walked in on you while having sex.
Being predisposed to depression with depression in the family is an issue you need to be evaluated for by your family doctor. I have suffered from depression an can tell you depression, untreated, hurts in ways you will never realize low sex drive or overly sexed is among them. Suicidal thoughts are not always an accompanyment to depression. Speak to your family doctor and get screened. You may need to take medication, which is actually a hormone replacement for the hormones missing or not enough of that control mood swings. Plus talk therapy with a qualified therapist to get at the root cause of the stessors causing the depression. Stress is a major cause of depression.
As for birth control and pregnacy. If you are on the pill or some other form of birth control and your BF is also using a condom, correctly. Then your chance of becoming pregnant are way less than 1%. I belief the studies put is under a half of a percent which statistically is about zero. This is something you would want to talk about in therapy for from my point of view you are concerned over something that almost can't happen.
You say you live together in your parents home. Speaking of a parent of an adult child who has on occassion lived with me for various reasons from time to time. I would think your parents believe the two of you are having sex. Accordingly whatever part of the house you two occupy I would be careful not to intrude upon you. They would no more want to see you two having sex or intrude upon you two having sex than have you walk in when they are engaging in sex. If your door has a lock on it, lock it if you think you two may engage in sex or just make a habit of locking your door when together in your room.
Should your doctor find that you are suffering from depression. First don't let the word upset you. It is not so much a mental disorder as it is a medical one. Simple depression, unlike manic or other types is primarilly chemical or hormonal problem. Easilly treatable with medication for a period of time and talk therapy. While in talk therapy you should find a time to bring your BF into a session so that he understands and the therapist can help you explain to him what is happening to you and how he can help.
Please trust me here if you are found to suffer from depression. If you work with the therapist, with or without medication, things will get better. I've been there so I know.
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