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My daughter is going to jail for five months and I don't have much sympathy
my 21 year old daughter has been sentenced to 5 months in the county jail (She never did anything like this before and it was a big shock) and I told her I don't really feel sorry for her because she committed the crime and she needs to do the time and maybe it will be a good learning experience and toughen her up. Is this too harsh? Am I a bad person for saying this?
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You are being a good mom.
If you were to bail her out and baby her, she would appreciate it, but would learn NOTHING from it.
This is coming from someone who is 20. It sucks for her now, but in the end, she will learn her lesson the hard way. She will survive, it's the county jail - not the end of the world.
You can be there for her and continue to love her, the relationship may get rocky, but it will be stronger in the end. Keep pressing on!
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Are you confusing sympathy and love. It is one thing to have no sympathy for what she has done wrong. Like you said; "she did the crime. she must do the crime." Now if she was wrongly convicted and you can prove that, then having no sympathy would be wrong.
I once wrote a leter to the parents of a girl my wife worked with who chose to believe the lies her ex husband had been telling them about her. Because of those lies they said some very terrible things including they no longer loved her or considered her their daughter. After I set them straight about the lies I told them that their were many things my child could do to loose my respect. I could think of nothing that my child could do to loose my love.
This is the reason behind my question symapathy or love. If she has lost your respect and sympathy your not a bad person. If you have lost your love for your daughter I urge you to rethink this issue.
She is still your daughter. She will do her time. She can work to regain your sympathy and respect. She should not have to work to regain your love.
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I live in a town where the schools have more disciplinary problems than average towns. It's because parents do not discipline and don't let the schools do it either without putting up a fight. When a school calls a parent to let them know of a legitimate problem, the parent rushes into the school with an defensive and aggressive attitude. They tear into the teachers and principals because they are under the impression that they are messing with their children. My high school principal hardly ever disciplined anyone because she wanted to be everyone's friend. Having everyone like her was more important than teaching them right from wrong. Because of these things, we have many bums, dead beats, criminals, and socially handicapped people per capita in my town than anywhere else in the state. So to answer your question, absolutely not. You are not a bad person for not feeling sorry for your daughter and for not wanting her to be out of trouble. Let her know that you love her unconditionally and that this will be over someday, but if you gave her sympathy, it might send her the wrong message and she might end up back in the same situation.
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I don't think so. If it was clearly her fault and she wasn't influenced by, say, an abusive relationship or anything, she ought to learn her lesson.
That being said, no one is perfect. Don't abandon her, or hold it against her for the rest of your life. Visit her at the jail and make sure she knows she's still got a family to come back to (or you, whatever the situation is).
But don't lie or pull strings to save her butt or anything. It could encourage future misbehavior if she knows you'll just come save her every time.
-LM
[20/f]
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