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I feel upset and angry, but I don't want to
Kay I'm 13 btw.
My ex-stepmom was just horrible, and the way my dad handled her upsets me. So much I started cutting. It's been a little over a year and when I think I'm over, a burning rage just consumes me, and I can't think. I get snappy with everyone and I always end up cutting. Like whenever I see my dad or he talks I get so upset, and I've had thoughts of killing him. Like I'll be cutting my dinner and he turn around and the thought " I could kill him" just enters my mind. It happens alot lately too, like I was babysitting and the kid was shooting my bow and was getting the arrows, and i thought about how I could kill him. My friend thinks i'm bipolar beacuse one second im happy the next I'm biting my tongue so i dont scream.
Lately i can't talk to anyone about anything though. thats explained in a adifferent question tho
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You see i'm kind of like you in some way, im only a couple years older than you but I know how you feel, I myself still have an anger problem ever since i was 12 years old, the whole thing started when my dad started to become an alchoholic when I was 10 years old, when 11 years old I started noticeing bruises on my moms face and neck and only a couple months after he started hitting her in front of me and my sisters, he used grab my mom by her hair and punch in her face, he used to kick on the floor, spit in her face, he pretty much did anything to hurt her.
since I was a witness to that, I started to miss school, I used to get into at school, I just didnt want to talk to anybody.
By the time I was 14 years old my anger problem got really worse, when I got into fights it was differant from the other fights when I was younger because I was out to literally kill the kid, I tried slamming their heads into concrete, when I get get irritated I start getting pissed for no reason, and when I was angry at somebody then my anger was turned to rage.
By the time I was 15 I was pissed everyone for no reason, especially my dad, I was always fighting with my dad, not just arguments but real fist fights, just a couple months ago I flew my fist into a window just because I was yelling at my mom about dinner, now all the nerves in my right hand are completely dead and the doctor said I might never get my feeling in my hand back.
What im trying say is that if you dont get help soon your rage WILL get worse, dont wait go to a therapist it actually helps, please talk to someone.
I do not want you to end up like me, a suicidle teenager with HUGE anger problems
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You seem to be in really awful pain, and you shouldn't be dealing with this alone! You deserve to be loved and cared for! I highly suggest you go get help. There are lots of people out there, who really care about you, and want you to be happy! You can take out a book from your local library about DBT. DBT gives you a lot of pointers on how to deal with pain, and avoid cutting. Being happy one second, and feeling pain the next, doesn't mean that you have bipolar. It could mean that you're in a lot of pain, and you're trying not to let it get you, and at other times you just resolve yourself to the situation. I'm bipolar, so I know what it's like, and it's far worse than that. If you think you might have it, you should discuss it with your doctor. You're very brave, and I'm sure that with the right help, you're going to be very successful in life. You're young and full of opportunities, and you deserve the best life you can have! Don't let anyone bring you down! Fight for your rights! Good luck :)
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