|
does my dad effect my current relationships?
21/F
My biological dad never really wanted me and growing up he never really paid me much attention especially once my parents got divorced. I was lucky if I got a call on my birthday/Christmas/holidays and as soon as I turned 18 I was lucky if I got a phone call once a year. I have an amazing stepfather who I consider my dad now. But it feels like I'm always getting into relationships with guys who never really want me either. I'm well aware that I seem to be most attracted to guys who end up disappointing me yet the guys who are constantly stable in my life I have no interest in them. It's like I purposely get into these relationships knowing very well it's not going to last and they're just going to leave me. It's weird how I can have such low expectations with my dad yet such high expectations from guys that are just like him. So now i'm just wondering if my sucky relationship with my real dad effects my relationships? Am I really one of those cliche girls with "daddy issues"? I don't sleep around, I've actual only been with two guys and we were in a serious relationship. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself I'm just trying to figure out the source of my issues so maybe I can finally move on and stop going back to people who disappoint me the most.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
your father may be part of the cause of this but it is now in your hands to either find a guy who won't disappoint you and be with him or keep getting with guys who disappoint you. you might want to stop dating for a while and find yourself and improve your own qualities. email me at ericsmith@yahoo.com and tell me what you think of my answer. thanks
]
There is a lot of hype about 'daddy issues' but the truth is - No. The science and psychology doesn't really back it up. It's pop science and self-help bullshit for people who need some sort of made up 'reason' for why they made (or make) decisions that don't turn out well before they can stop making those bad decisions.
You don't need to find a 'the source' in order to change what you are doing. In fact, you can even limit your process by imagining up a source for your issues. 'The source' is often just 'being human'.
You are 21. You've been with two guys in serious relationships. That's hardly 'a pattern of dating unavailable guys', that's 'being young, having limited experiences and discovering what your standards are'.
You can only have dated so many people by 21 (most of them, like you, will be young with limited experience and will also be figuring out what they want and what they want a relationship to look like.) Like most people in their 20s, you are probably still primarily attracted to style, confidence and drama - and you haven't had enough experience to detect real substance and to reject some of the jerks you should.
So how to do you move on and stop going back to people who disappoint you? You just do it. You look at the behaviors and choices that disappoint you, and you don't get involved with guys who display those characteristics or choices. You've noticed that some of the things you are attracted to initially are not good indicators of long-term happiness or relationship potential. And that's great! That actually puts you a bit ahead of the curve at 21.
Give yourself a break. Don't try to find some reason for being young and discovering what you want. None of us are born knowing how to be in a relationship or exactly what we want in a partner. We are all of us afraid of being rejected and many of us choose to be in relationships we know can't work out, rather than taking the very frightening risk of being in one we think can.
Just take the best care of yourself that you can, and be brave and sensible. Because you will probably date a few more unavailable jerks in your life - perhaps both intentionally and unintentionally. But if you keep yours eye open like you have been doing, figure out what it is that works for you, and have the courage to take the risk when it seems to have come along, you'll be just fine.
]
To be honest, my father was great towards me did everything for me but I was still attracted to the same type as you. It all goes with growing up. Do you know when I actually started dating a guy that wanted me? When I turned 22! Before then I always ran after other men but then I found the right one. I'm not saying your issue doesn't contribute to it but I am saying that it's just all a part of being a girl and learning to grow up. Not all girls are into the "good" guys! You'll figure it out :) Just be more careful who you choose as your partner!
]
More Questions: |