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My boyfriend thinks I am a liar...
The other night my boyfriend decided to check my FB page and found evidence of flirting back in 2009. Now he thinks I lied abt saying he is the only one for me. Please note I didn't actually meet him till 2011 though we started talking end of 2008. How can I mend this rift when he refuses to talk about it? I'm 36. Also please note we are currently 11000 miles apart.
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Honestly? He sounds like he's 12 and got butt hurt over a message. You cannot have a normal relationship with a man who refuses to talk about something that affects the way you two communicate. To put it shortly, leave him and be with somebody that respects you enough to believe you and not call you a liar!
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You CAN'T mend the rift if he refuses to talk about it.
In your position, I'd end the relationship with this man.
You flirted with someone in early 2009 on Facebook, shortly after beginning to talk your boyfriend online, and he has decided that this makes you a liar, a horrible person, who he wont talk too about the issue, who obviously didn't care about him prior to meeting him in person, and then he's made a bunch of rules about what you can and can't say to him.
He isn't interested in respectful dialogue. He is interested in controlling you through guilt and shame. Even if you did make a mistake, his reactions are completely unjustified and devoid of respect.
It's understandable for him to feel angry and hurt, but the rules and nastiness he has thrown your way are out of control. This does not paint the picture of someone who is capable of being a long distance relationship in a loving or respectful way.
Tell him your understand that he is upset, but that this behavoir is not okay. Tell him he isn't the only one who gets to define your relationship and make rules about what your time together has meant. Tell him if he wants to talk to you like an equal partner then maybe you can move forward together. Tell him if he DOESN'T want to address you as an equal partner, then the relationship is over.
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