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Killing myself
Ok so I'm 23 and when I was about 18 I basically descided to kill myself 4 months ago when I was on the edge of killing myself I met a woman that I fall in love and she gave me a reason to live she made me think of the future she made me think of building the future with her but then the relationship ended The day it ended 4 days ago i tried to commit suicside on overdosing pills and I failed now I'm still determine to kill myself one day the thing or the issue in my head is why even bother trying to help myself or bother living i feel like its not worth the time I feel like no one would even wanna be with me of try knew that I'm suicidal because who wants to be with someone that could just suicside one day ....
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It's really goot that this person opened you up to what you can feel. Now just because that relationship ended. does not mean you're not ever gonna feel that way again. It will definetly take time.
What you must know is I am not a doctor when i say this. You sound clincaly depressed. I would definetly suggest going to see someone like a doctor, for anti-depressants.
and a therapist for advice to getting throught this dark time in your life.
Now i know what you might say. "Therapists don't work. They all say the same thing. They don't help me"
I used to think this way also. I have been to probably 4-6 different therapists. Not a single one helped me. Untill the last one.
For therapists. it's about which ones work for you. Each one has a different view of how to work through things.
You are very young still. and you do have your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it away., You are an amazing beautiful talented person. And i believe in you. You deserve better :)
Hope this helps.
Xo.Jasmine*
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I'm going to be blunt.
No, nobody is going to want a relationship with someone who could just up and kill themselves any day. It's exhausting to be relied upon 24/7 to keep someone alive. Why should anyone get into a long-term relationship not knowing if there is a long term?
As someone who suffers from mental illness, I'm well aware of how selfish it makes us when we're at our worst. I need help. I need you to keep me living. I need, I need, I need. We can only see our own needs, and not those of the people around us. Instead of being equal partners, we can become burdens.
Nobody is going to want to be with you if you don't show signs of helping yourself. My husband gave me an ultimatum: either I start using the resources I had access to and get some help or he leaves. Until that point, I had been depending on him for everything. He couldn't so much as go out with friends for a few hours without returning to me sobbing and telling him that if he didn't want me, I might as well kill myself. Sounds like a party, right?
You've been suicidal for over 5 years, right? What have you done about it? You can't depend on another person to make you feel like living forever. It can be a good temporary fix, but eventually you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. If you show that you're trying, people will be more open to relationships AND you won't need a relationship, you'll just want them.
Find a counselor, find a psychiatrist, talk to your family doctor. If you're on medication, it's clearly not working, so get it changed. If you're not, see about getting on it and take it. Find things to keep you going. Get a part time job, start volunteering or pick up a new hobby. It's a lot harder to commit suicide when that sweater you're knitting is only half-done (I'm not even joking, I used that as a reason not to once). Take care of yourself.
I'm not saying that you can't lean on people from time to time. Seeking help can be difficult, and you'll need support from family and friends. They just can't be the help that you need. That's putting them in an awful position. So lean, but don't insist that they carry you.
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