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Losing motivation
18/f.
I've been playing the drums for about 7 years if you count from when I started. I am not regular though.
My first year was taking basic lessons every weekend. The next 5 years were in the school band where I didn't really play the drumset per se, I had a lot of other parts too. I only occasionally played my drum set at home.
In my 6th year of drumming, I had a band for about 5 months but I was playing the same 6-9 songs. I didn't fit in with the band and they found a better dude drummer (they were all guys they just wanted me cos it would look cool to have a female drummer). That's fine cos I was taking my GCE O levels that year.
I have a band with my 3 closest friends but we aren't exactly good and we only jam like once every few weeks for a couple of months then we stop as we go to different schools and they all depend on me to sync everyone's schedule.
The problems is that I think I suck at drumming.
I think the only reason people think I'm good is because they're phased by the apparent rarity of a girl playing drums (in my personal life it's not so rare).
It sounds like I'm whining but I really think I'm not good enough to go anywhere with my skills or lack thereof (I wanna play some gigs) and I'm losing my motivation. I don't derive joy from playing or practising anymore. I just feel frustrated with myself and I feel like a failure. Is this affected by my depression (4 years and counting)?
I've got a guitar and keyboards - also bad as hell. I feel like I've been at beginner stage for all my years of playing these instruments and I am so angry with myself! I try to improve but I get really demotivated. How do I get myself to just pull through the practise to improve and to help me be less negative about my "skills"?
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I've been dealing with a similar problem too. I used to play sports and ride/fix bikes all the time. But I stopped, I think it was because I noticed how there were a lot of people who were just way better than I was. I also write poetry, but I can only write when some type of change happens in my life. When it's the same boring status quo, I can't pour my soul into it. It's very difficult to find motivation, and when I do, I easily get demotivated and then blame it on others when It's really my fault. Although I feel like a failure with many things, and often attack myself for it. I want to learn the guitar, people try to teach me but I can't get things right. I don't know ANY chords, BUT I experimented with different combinations and actually got some sounds that I liked. I'm the same way when people say I'm good at something. 'Cause even if I am kind of good, there's someone else who is way better and then I don't want it to get to my head so I can be full of myself. I guess it has to do with how one sees them self. With things like music, there's really no such thing as good or bad. That's why some may hate a song or sound while others love it. But either way there's no good or bad. Even with the person themselves aside from music. If a friend and enemy were to describe me, their descriptions can be opposites but not even I can judge which one is accurate. A complex ego can be part of it. The more people you know, the more opinions there'll be about you, when you hear those opinions they might or might not have an influence on how you see yourself. For example, people may think that pink is a feminine color or should only be used by girls. Society makes them believe this. If there was no society, they would choose a color that naturally attracts them because no one is there to have an opinion of it being right or wrong. Sorry if it's long.
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I just want to point out that the feeling you have right now it completely normal :)
After years of doing anything remotely difficult, doubt and frustration is going to occur. You start to expect more out of yourself, and sometimes people expect too much. They start to get cocky and believe that they are so good that they can do anything. In music, that's not necessarily a bad thing. When you play an instrument or sing, confidence adds more to it all. It's not really easy to explain, but there's obviously a difference between somebody who is confident in what they play rather than somebody playing with no emotion. If you play with the feeling that you aren't good, then it's not going to be good.
When you get frustrated, calm down and take a break. Try again later. Just because you can't play something doesn't mean that you're bad. It just means that the music takes some practice or is a little harder that your skill level. Some musicians overcompensate for their level and try to learn music WAY harder than they should. I did that when I attempted to learn Jupiter by Gustav Holst on the piano (and I've played for...10 years I think). And if you haven't heard it before, it's beautiful but freaking hard. And then I realized that the reason I was constantly getting mad was because it was too hard for me. So make sure that your music is at your level. I also want to point out that you can't get any better unless you practice. Unfortunately, I haven't ever heard of a person who has always been motivated to practice ever single day.
Also, I do think that depression does factor in a little. Whenever I'm really depressed, I can't practice for very long. It just...doesn't work out too well. So try to practice when you're in a good mood.
As for motivation, reward yourself for improvement. You could also try learning how to play your favorite song on the guitar or keyboard. I take a break from all the classical or band stuff (that I play on the clarinet) occasionally to have a practice where I fool around and play whatever. Sometimes its a song from the radio or sometimes I switch my clarinet and piano music around and transpose all the stuff...I'm such a nerd..But anyways, you can take breaks from the normal stuff. Sometimes it might help you feel a little better.
Don't let the musical people around you influence you too much. I also come from a musical family and most of my friends are in love with music as much as I am. Do whatever you want to do. Besides, you can always try something new. Maybe the stuff you are doing isn't what's right for you. I've recently taken up singing and songwriting to add something new to my musical ability. Don't be afraid to try something new, you might actually like it! :)
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