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3 year relationship ended
I'm 24/F and my boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke up with me. It was a very tumultuous relationship, but we had some amazing times & I truly loved him. I'm trying to move on, even though it's only been a couple months. My heart is still broken, and I'm finding it difficult to not think about him constantly. I've just never had this kind of heartbreak before, so I'm stuck in denial a bit, mixed with a lot of anger towards my ex. I feel like he just gave up on us, and I was willing to work things out. To add more to my misery, all my friends are settling down - moving in together with bfs, getting engaged, etc. I thought I was next for that, but obviously not anymore. It's hard talking to them about it because they can't relate. I feel immense pressure and in a way, have that "I'll never be with anyone again!" mentality. Also, readjusting to single life is horrible! What are some ways to move on & get out there again? I'm sick of my pity party. Are there any suggestions others have used to get over someone that worked?
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I'm 24/f, too. I definitely hear ya, with that "everyone's getting married/moving in together, etc." thing. Plus, my entire facebook feed is full of babies... I also remember having that "I'll never be with anyone again" mentality, but for me it was following a very abusive relationship and coupled with a terror of falling into the same trap again, as well as fear of heartbreak.
Anyway. The thing about any breakup is that it's a loss - even if you stay friends, or it's a mutual breakup, you still have to grieve the loss of that closeness, that intimacy that you had with him. You were together for three years; it's only been a couple months. Grieving any loss has stages:
1. Denial
2. Sadness/Depression/Defeatedness
3. Anger
4. Bargaining ("maybe if I'd been a better girlfriend, things would be different, etc...")
5. Acceptance
These stages are not linear, though the first and last usually come at those points, and you'll probably cycle through 2, 3, and 4 a few times before you're okay and can TRULY accept the way things are.
You're not gonna want to hear this, but what worked the best for me was time, and allowing myself to feel.
If you like to write, grab a blank journal and freewrite (or hell, open up a word processor on your computer and type) away about everything going through your mind. Draw them, if that helps. Whatever helps you express yourself. There's no need to bottle up these feelings.
It's okay to be sad. It's okay to wish it was all a dream. It's fine to hate him. It's even okay to feel none of this stuff - you may be numb for awhile. Don't push yourself to get out there and go on dates or whatever if you're not ready. If you're ready, by all means go for it.
For now, surround yourself with friends and family. Even if they can't completely relate, they can sympathize and help make you feel better. Have girls' nights, go window shopping, play with fuzzy animals at the humane society - anything that will put a smile on your face, even for a little while, will help, because it'll remind you that you still CAN smile, even without him. Eventually, that smile will come more naturally.
I was furious with myself when months after leaving the bastard, I realized I still missed and loved him. Of course, it wasn't him I loved, though, it was the idea of him, of settling down, living in a house, having a family that I wanted, and I certainly didn't need to settle for someone's hand around my throat to have that. Eventually, I came to accept that we would never be together again, that he wasn't the one, and slowly started to rediscover and turn back into myself. But I needed that pity party and the time to grieve the loss.
Take this time to rediscover yourself. Do things you enjoy, have some you time. Enjoy your freedom from the wrong guy. The right one will come along soon enough. Have some patience with yourself.
Good luck. :)
Siren
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I've been there done that. Me and my ex ended our relationship after almost 4 & a half years. It was tough.. I forgot how to be single again. It felt weird and unfamiliar. But my suggestion is to lose communication with him altogether. Delete him from facebook, take his number out of your phone, don't creep on his facebook. Go out. Do not feel guilty for having a good time. Meet new people. Find some hobbies you are interested in. Don't be afraid to meet a new guy and go on dates. It is okay to move on, trust me! I am not going to lie though, it's going to hurt for awhile. It sucks.. period. But eventually it WILL get easier. Give it time. Try to think of the negative aspects of yalls relationship.. it kind of makes it easier to get over him. Hope I helped! If you have any other questions or anything, don't be afraid to send me a message! :)
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