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i don't think he's the right guy for me.
hi, this question is for guys. i have been dating a single father for a 1 year and a 5 month and i recently moved in together with him. he's 48 and i'm 35. he has a daughter with his ex girlfriend. he used to be very different and promised me a lot of things when we first started dating. i understand every parents love their children but now he just makes me feel left out and excluded all the time. tried to talk to him but he's a quick tempered therefore don't want to upset him. he mentions his daughter 10 times a day even though he see her 5 times a week. he also mentions his ex, whom he dated 5 years and he says like, ''she knows me when i'm angry,'' and stuff, blah blah blah, which by the way, i don't want to hear about her all the time and i myself don't mention my ex in front of him.'' he says everyday he hates his ex. however, i did ask him, do i mean anything to u and he replied how can u asked me, when i said my daughter means everything to me,'' guys, i just want him to be caring and loving to wards me like he used to. now, i'm thinking he's obviously not the man who's going to make me happy although he promised he will do anything for me otherwise i would not have said yes to him in the first place. but now i'm just tired. ''i have made a huge mistake, haven't i?'' whenever i ask something to him, he goes really agitated, i mean his tone changes. i mean, who talks like that? so guys, what's this all about, mentioning his ex and daughter most of the time. his daughter lives with his ex so whenever he picks her up he gets to see her ex too. right now, i'm just trying hard to communicate with him as he's not easily open sort of man. help! thanks.
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You're not going to like my answer.
When you got involved with this man, you knew that he carried a certain amount of baggage. He needs to maintain a relationship with his ex because of the custody issue, and he's a very devoted father who cares about his daughter before anything else.
If you can't handle being second to his daughter, you'll have to move on. Right now you're asking him to choose between her and you, and I can guarantee that he will pick her every time. That should be an admirable quality in your eyes, really. I think it's pretty disgusting when a person lets their relationship with their child take the back burner for a new partner. For the sake of this girl and her father, move on if that's not the sort of life you want. There are other guys out there who can devote themselves to you entirely. This guy just can't, and he's right in saying so.
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The problem is that he's not trying to understand you. If you've done your part on communicating with him, trying to tell him that the situation makes you unhappy (not having enough time to talk about you two and spending more time together) then he's not going to make you happy.
I'm sure you know this already but have lost sight of it (or probably just ignoring it); somebody who's quick tempered with you doesn't love you. We all get mad and have our fights but you should never feel like you can't tell the person your in a relationship with how you feel, because they should want you to tell them that. If he really did love you he'd want to make you happy, and in this case he'd try to understand where your coming from and if that doesn't work, he would still try his best to make you feel better about it.
My advice is to try again with what I said in mind. Talk to him
About how it makes you feel and with a solution (spending more time together, leaving the ex out of conversations). If this doesn't work then you know what your options are. To stay in a relationship with someone who's never going to make you happy or leave.
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