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Overracting or should he respect my wishes?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are so great together, but like all couples, we have minor issues. My boyfriend has a best friend(who i DO NOT like at all), and he seems to convince my boyfriend to do anything and everything. He pretty much is a BIG influence over him. Well his best friend moved somewhat far away, and everytime he comes and visits, my boyfriend ends up smoking weed with him. I dont preferably like that, i understand weed is not a big deal, but i dont prefer it in my house, or the one i love to do it or be around my family with it. Anyway, he does it everytime he comes and visits, and he always lies to me about it. i have to pry it out of him if he did anything. and one time he pinky promised me e would not but he did because his friends wouldnt leave him alone unless he did it. he hasnt done it in a long time, but when he mentioned his best friend is coming down in a week, i get mad, and scared and worried. he has such a big influence over him/ he reassures me he wont do it, but it happens everytime his friend is around. do you think im just being irrational and crazy over something so small? or should he just respect what i want? im confused, cause it bothers him when i act like this, but i cant help it. i just dont want it in our lives. should i just relax and get over this minor thing or talk and be more firm with him on the subject? any advice would be great! thank you!
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So, you know he is going to smoke weed when this friend comes over.
He knows you know.
He lies to you.
Then you chew at him until he tells you the truth.
Then you get to be annoyed at both the weed and the lie that you already knew had happened.
Does this seem like a productive pattern for you?
Regardless of whether you are being irrational or not - are you getting what you want? Or have you simply slipped into a hold pattern where he does what he wants and you give him shit about it?
Your boyfriend wants to smoke weed with his friend. End of story. This is what he wants to do. It would be nice, if your boyfriend would man up, and just admit that that is what he wants and what he is going to do. But regardless of whether he will say or not - clearly - that is what is happening.
Does he need to just respect your wishes?
No. His desire to smoke weed with his friend doesn't get trumped by your desire to not have him smoke weed with his friend.
He gets to make the final choice about that.
You get to decide what YOU do about his choice.
For example - if your really don't want weed in your life, you could man up and break up with him.
If you really don't want weed in your life, you might need to dump him. Because he has made it pretty clear that he does, and right now the unspoken agreement you and your boyfriend have about this is that he can smoke weed with his friend like he wants too, and then he just has to sit through your bitching for a while.
Lots of couples have agreements like that. Sometimes, they even work out. One partner gets to do something they feel is okay, and the other gets their knickers in a twist for a while, and then gets over it and the relationship goes back to normal until the issue comes up again.
It's normal. So maybe you'll just keep on living like that. If you want to change, you are going to have to look to yourself to create it. Not your boyfriend.
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i have talked to him about it, its just everytime his friend is down, he does it and lies about it. it makes me lose my trust, cause i know es gonna end up doing it with him, even though he already knows how i feel.
Razhie, he doesnt desire to do it. he doesnt do it any other time EXCEPT when his friend is around. im not going to break up with him, because of something so small. i just want to know if i should just let him do it and not care. Basically, just asking if im in the right, or im in the wrong? he doesnt do it on purpose, he ends up doing it because of his friend, any other time, he doesnt. it would make me feel better, if someone else gave their opinion on whether i should just compromise or keep bitching everytime it happens.
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It's not your decission on what he should do as i sggest you talk to him and let him know why and what bothers you about it. If yu don't like him doing it in your house tell him that your not going to let him do it in your house and that he should go somewhere else to do it. Let him know wat your thiking and want as you cant stop him but you can try ;)
Good luck
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