|
Told me to stop, now she does it herself
I'm a 17-year-old guy who's been with the same girl(now 18) for a couple years. One day I walked in on her attempting suicide, and we got help. She was away for a few weeks at a mental health hospital for her depression, and while she was there, what I had seen that day was eating away at me. As a way of coping, I starting smoking pot.
Then, when she got out, she found out what I had been doing and told me I had to stop because it was "unhealthy", and she has always been 100% anti-drug.
This Wednesday she left to spend a week with her friend who lives in another state, and her friend's boyfriend smokes a lot of pot. She hasn't been answering any of my calls, or texting me back at all.
Tonight, when I called her to talk to her, she answered, stoned out of her mind and couldn't keep a thought for more than two seconds(yes, I counted), which tells me she smoked a LOT of weed. This is after for "health" reasons she made me quit, and now she goes behind my back and spends a week out of state with two people I've never met, and has probably been smoking all week.
What should I do? How should I confront her?
Thanks,
Anonymous
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
It's understandable to be upset, but don't over-react.
You are both young. You are both going to change your mind about things. You are both going to try on different ideas and some might work, and some won't.
So sure, be angry, but also be the bigger person and not a petty, demanding person - like she was. Having a go at her might feel good, but it only helps to kill love and respect between two people.
Talk to her about her opinions, about whether she's changed her mind and if she's okay. Share your honest opinions with her on the subject, and listen t her.
She didn't 'make' you do anything. You gave in. You decided to just give in, rather than to stand up for your own opinions and beliefs about how to live your life.
That was your mistake, and sure, she's made mistakes too, but the solution is starting to talk honestly and with respect, not to confront or to punish her.
You both made choices. Talk about your choices and learn how to talk about them in more honest ways. This isn't your opportunity to get one up on her, it's your opportunity to grow together.
And you have to grow together, or it won't last for a couple more years.
]
Sounds like your girlfriend is not experienced with different lifestyles. Maybe even is trying to find herself because she is confused about who she wants to be or what she really believes. Talk with her calmly and honestly. Decide what your logically problems are with her doing this, then present her with them and discuss rational why this bothered you. Reassure her she can be honest with you and you her and she doesn't have to do anything to please any one else. they will like an accept her for who she is and if they don't she doesn't need them. Explain the importance of why you need the honesty and why your relationship needs equal boundaries.
]
If I were you I wouldn't have a massive go at her. Keep calm about it all, as you yourself have done it.
Tell her how you feel about the situation, that it hurt and that it's hypocritical of her.
I reckon it'd be good to try come to the conclusion that you've both done it and it doesn't matter so much if either of you do it again, maybe?
]
More Questions: |