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upset that he thinks about having sex with other women
im 19/f and my boyfriend is 20/m
We've been together for nearly a year, and we love each other alot. i honestly think hes my soulmate and we can both picture our future together perfectly... except now im not so sure anymore.
im a very very insecure person. i lost my virginity to him and only him and he had several gf's and fwb in the past.
Hes still best friends with one of his old FWB and im not gonna lie, im worried about it.
i told him my concerns and he understood and everything... but now i cant sleep because i was thinking about something he said.
he told me that he still thinks about having sex with her and other girls. Even though he said he would never actually do it, i think its bad enough he even thinks about other girls that way.
maybe im just crazy because im traditional and the thought of having sex with anyone else but my partner just doesnt cross my mind. i only want to have sex with him.
yet now im losing sleep because i cant help but think about 'am i not good enough' 'maybe im not the one for him' 'maybe he should still be single' because he thinks about having sex with other girls.
and i honestly dont know what to do or say or how to bring it up (should i bring it up at all)
Is there something wrong with me and i should just accept that he thinks of other women? even though i think if you truly love someone you would only think of sex with them.
i seriously have not wanted anyone else sexually so why cant he be the same?
i just dont know what to do.
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Hey there,
okay firstly let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with you.
unfortunately this is the way a lot of men think. unlike us they don't see the harm in saying oh that girls hot or I would totally have sex with that girl .
let me ask you something do you trust your boyfriend?
do you believe him when he says he would never actually be with another girl?
I know it hurts that he could even think about it but be confident in yourself. he is with you and has sex with you and only you.
Talk to him again about your insecurities. explain your fears and your way of thinking.
you are more than good enough and if you weren't he wouldn't be with you in the first place.
does he constantly talk about other women in front of you?because if he does then that's not okay.
Ask him how would he feel if you were to talk about being with other men.
thinking of the opposite sex while in a relationship a little is healthy and normal. no matter how much you love someone unfortunately the mind wanders. its natural we are all only human.
remind yourself about your good qualities and why your boyfriend loves you.
try not to lose too much sleep over it. I know its easier said than done but honestly so many men think the same.
I hope this helps if you have anymore questions please feel free to inbox me
much <3
Jess 18/f
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You're being a bit crazy. This level of insecurity based on only his thoughts, is over kill.
It's not wrong or evil, it's understandable to be upset, but you don't get to police your partners thoughts. They get to fantasize about being a superhero, or a movie star, or yes, even about having sex with other people.
What you should accept is that every person in your life that you care about has thoughts that would make you uncomfortable if you knew about them. Your family, your best friends, your teachers - all of them have had thoughts or fantasies that would keep you up at night if you knew about them. You probably have thoughts, opinions or fantasies that would disturb them as well! Having thoughts, opinions and fantasies that we never share or act on, is a common thing for human beings. We have very active and creative brains. When we are perfectly honest with ourselves, very, very few of us are even close to 'pure'.
Why isn't he the same as you? Because he isn't. Because no one will ever feel and think exactly the same as you on every subject.
None of that means that this guy is the right guy for you. He might not be. Maybe you need someone who does think the same as you on this specific issue, or someone who at least wont tell you about private thoughts they suspect will make you uncomfortable.
He might not be the right guy for you. It's okay to make that decision, but your criteria of 'must never have sexual thoughts of other women' is extreme, judgmental and will likely lead you to your own unhappiness. You are allowed to have it, but you are more likely to find happiness and a mutually respectful relationship when you judge people primarily on their actions, not on their thoughts or fantasies.
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