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I am WAY kinkier than my boyfriend, I haven't had the big "O" in 8 months and I'm starting to resent him
I am WAY kinkier than my boyfriend and I've tried to talk to him about spicing it up a little bit because I'm frustrated ( I hvent had the big "O" in 8 months) I love him and he's good to me but he doesn't care enough to try, I'm starting to resent him, what should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Zane has made some good points; I'll try to go a little further.
Stress, depression and overwork plays havoc on the male libido. Since you did not give your ages I can't assume you are adults or teenagers. So we can look at both ages as the problem you are having can differ with age of the male.
If your BF is a teenager the problem could very simply be he is out to get his own satisfaction. This is typical of young, under 20 males. They are quick on the trigger and have not fully learned the need for mutual satisfaction in lovemaking.
If your BF is older than 20 then the problem can be more of what I first stated, stress or depression. IF you truly love him this is something that you need to approach in a very loving a delicate matter as it hits on two things that effect him as a male. His ability to make love to you and the fact that he has a weakness.
Actually regardless of age the solution to both problems is communication and education. In any relationship we need to communicate; this includes not just our sexual needs but things that effect our daily life. You would be surprised how much better you can feel if you can unburden to someone who cares about you.
When it comes to depression there are all types. There is the type we all suffer from at sometime or another. It passes in a few days. Then their is clinical depression which usually requires medical intervention. Then their is manic depression. Manic Depression is a very severe form of depression that requires medication and sometimes hospitalization. Generally it is not something that is cured.
If your BF is suffering from depression it is probably one of the first two. What you need to do is to gently prod him to open up to you. To find out if he is depressed and how long this has been going on. If it has been sometime then you need to ask him to see a doctor for screening so he can get help and you two can be happier together. This is one part of communication.
The other part comes from explaining to each other your sexual needs and desires. We all have them but none of us are mind readers. All men fancy themselves great lovers, some think themselves god's gift to women. Fact is not all women are alike; in fact far from it.
This is where education comes in. We each need to teach the other how we liked to be touched, caressed, kissed. You may be more clitoral than vaginal, needing more clitoral stimulation. How am I as your boyfriend to know this if you don't tell me.
Maybe I like to have my sack sucked during oral sex? How are you to know this if I don't tell you? So you see the point I'm making. The time to tell each other this is either before going into the bedroom when your making out on the couch or maybe over dinner.
One thing is definite when it comes to sex. Both partners have to be consenting to whatever it is you do in the privacy of you bedroom. If either one is not consenting or is in anyway coerced into doing something the other wants to try it will not be fun and will be disappointing for both.
There is nothing strange or weird about anything sexual if you both consent to it. The weirdness comes in when one of you feels it is wrong, dirty or just plain something you don't want to do.
In short you need to talk to your boyfriend to see if there is anything bothering him either outside the relationship or with the relationship. Once you know that and find away to fix or relieve that problem you need to talk to each other about you individual sexual desires and needs. Then educate each other.
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Is it that he doesn't care enough to try, or that he's uncomfortable with pushing his boundaries? There's a huge difference.
If he doesn't care enough to try, then he's probably not worth being with. Sexual compatibility is really important in a relationship, and it's all about give and take. If one partner doesn't care about the other enough to try to satisfy them, that's a huge warning sign.
If it's that he's uncomfortable with pushing his boundaries, that's totally normal and nothing to be angry with him for. Everyone has their own hard and soft no-go zones that fluctuate over time. What do I mean by that? A soft no is more like "I'm really uncomfortable with this, but might be persuaded to try it out with the right person", where a hard no is "I will never try this".
In any couple, there will be one who has more extreme limits than the other. As the extreme one in mine, I feel your pain. It takes a lot to get the other person to open up. In my case, it was a matter of saying "Look, I understand that you're not comfortable and possibly downright repulsed by this, but it would make me very, very happy if you would try it." Or it's a matter of finding a way of doing certain things that is more comfortable. Or letting him choose what direction things go in.
If there's a sex-related convention (we have the Everything to do with Sex Show and Sexapalooza in my area) that's a great idea. You don't even have to buy anything. Just wandering around and talking about what you like in a sex-positive environment is enlightening. I don't recommend adult stores, because they're really porn-y and have a stigma attached to them that might make him balk. If you want to look at adult films with him to get some ideas, try to aim for couple-friendly ones at first. They tend to be a little more tame, less disrespectful to women and more aesthetically pleasing.
In the meantime, you'll probably have to take matters into your own hands. Literally. It's not up to him to give you orgasms. It's up to you to make sure that you're getting as many as you need to be happy.
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There isn't a whole lot of detail here
1, Are you on any sort of birth control, Medications?
Sometimes certain birth control can have a decrease in sexual desires and some goes for certain medications. These two things can make it hard to achieve orgasm.
2, Why does he want to try? Is he depressed, Does he work a lot, Is he stressed out or embarrassed?
You two need to talk about it, I know stated that you have but again detail is missing in your question. Have you told him how you feel, What your fantasies are, What turns you on. Maybe even telling him that you two could explore together that way he doesn't feel odd about the subject? Maybe even offer to go to a store together and look around for something you two can enjoy. (Not sure if you are 18 or not)
Need more details for better advice...
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