|
How to go through the greiving process
My aunt just died on December 11. She had a year long battle with stage 4 lung cancer. She was like a motherly figure to me and I was very close to her and my uncle. A few months after she was diagnosed the chemo was starting affect her and she had terrible headaches. She had a shunt placed in herhead to drain the spinal fluid that was causing the headaches. After that she started looking very different and frail. I had no idea what to say to her or how to talk to her. I stillloved her but I was very aquard arround her. My parents would always tell me to go sit with her in bed and talk, but like I said, I had no idea what to say. I could talk to her when other people werevin the room but not by myself. Well one day my mom told me that my aunt noticed how I was becoming distant and it made her feel bad. At the time I brusshed it away thinking "When she gets better I will talk to her and be more caring" Now that she passed away I feel so guilty and like I should burn in hell for what I did. I have also considered suicide a couple times. I have lots of friends and a wonderful boyfriend but I feel like I must put on a brave face for them so I act happy and carefree. So my questions are,
※How can I greive propperly?
※What should I say to my friends?
Thanks :'(
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. There's really no straight up way to grieve properly because everybody is affected in a different way. I remember about 1 and half years ago when one of my friends died. She was the nicest and happy and cheerful and positive person I've ever met. I went home and cried for hours. I felt guilty for little things that happened a few weeks before she died until recently I realized that there's nothing we can do to change what's happened in the past. And for your friends, they know that you're going through a hard time. They probably want to be there for you and won't mind if you let it all out and talk to them. I think it would help you feel better if you could talk to them or somebody else who's been in a similar situation. I really hope this was helpful :)
]
This is a difficult question because there is no straight-forward answer. Just as we humans are different in our opinions and emotions, so do we grieve in various ways. SOme people clam up and deny the event completely, others will talk about it non-stop and think about nothing else.
You are not alone in finding it hard to talk to your aunt when she was ill. Most people find it hard to talk to someone with a terminal illness because they feel they can't mention that; tbut it might be the very thing they want to talk about but feel awkward because they know it upsets other people!
I've dealt with many deaths in working 30 years as a nurse and tried to help many grieving people. They all reacted in different ways that suited them at that time. If they'd known their relative was about to die, possibly they would've reacted differently, said something else, behaved in another way, been better prepared. Just as life throws us curve-balls, so does death.
However you reacted to your aunt's death was your way of dealing with it at that time; your next experience of death will be different because you have learned something from this one.
Give yourse;lf time and space to grieve, explain to your friends that your aunt has died and you feel sad, your emotions may be a bit mixed-up for a while, but that you want to keep them as friends, even though it might take you some time to recover completely.
No doubt you'll have good and bad days; some people may question why you're happy sometimes, but you'll never forget your aunt whatever kind of day it is.
Hope this helps, let me know if I can help again?
Be good to yourself with some pampering, relax as much as you can and enjoy life.
]
Its hard to go through this but you have to remember its not your fault. No matter how distant you were towards the end of your aunts life that you still loved her.The reason you kept your distance is because you loved her too much to see her go through pain.Trust me your aunt understood so dont feel guilty because you did nothing wrong.I think the best way to get rid of this guilt is to talk to your family and friends and just tell them how you feel because they will help you grieve. Also just cry let everything out because you will feel better. Just remember that your aunt will always be watching over you and will always love you.Think of the good times you had and dont think about suicide do you think your aunt would be happy if you gave up your life because of her? no she wouldnt you need to be strong and live life in a way think of it as living for your aunt. Trust me with time things get easier.
]
More Questions: |