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Controlling relationship?
I'm having a hard time deciding wether or not my boyfriend is too controlling or if I'm my own worst enemy causing my problems. The problem is that I'm torn. On one hand, y boyfriend is super sweet, he's a stand up guy - one of the few, and I trust and love him. On the other, he's got a very strong personality and has non violent anger issues - his words not mine. He gets mad and annoyed over every little thing. It was never directed at me at first but after the first few months it started and now I feel like I'm always doing things so delicately, trying not to annoy him. And even when he misinterprets situations and gets annoyed with me for no reason, he never apologizes because he thinks he is always right. That's how he is and to me those are signs of a controlling person. He's very smart but dare I ever disagree or say something that he doesn't think is smart, he won't fail to point it out and make me feel bad. Again, not good.
Bu then returning to the good stuff he is sweet and does nice things for me and treats me well. Just that I want to go out and I like to dance and he doesn't anymore even though he did when we met and he repeats that he goes for me he continues to see friends and so social things for me but then when we do go he gets bored/mad and even though there's a reason for it (he has back issues and is in pain) it jus ends up putting me down. But then when I go without him with his friends it bothers him too even though he rarely admits it because he says that he was once able to do those things too but now he just can't anymore. We are both 20 and too young to stop having funbut he acts like he is 28. I don't know what to do because I loved him from way before he was like this and now I have this guy that swears were going to end up together and is amazing to me except for the fact that I am always tryi g to please him because his anger is inappropriate... Advice?
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people often get short tempered with the ones they love. however it can be really hard for the people on the reseaving end of a bad temper. from what you have sed i don't think the situation is your fault. i surgest sitting doun with him and talking about how u both feal. if he starts makeing you unhappy it may b time to considder if the relationship is rite for u boath
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You are in a controlling relationship that can at anytime become violent. I'm not saying that it will, I'm saying that it can and therefore you are in danger. You need to leave before you are hurt.
Any relationship where one party controls the other is not good. From what you have written his controlling of you, if it has not already started, will effect your and cause you eventual issues with depression.
Even if your boyfriend never lays a hand on you in anger you are being abused. Being controlled by another is abuse and part of battered spouse syndrome. I know you don't want to here this but you are in a bad relationship one that you must leave before you are any further hurt by him.
As for his controlling ways. A psychologist will probably tell you, if you asked, that this is a personality flaw. That being something medication cannot fix or modify. I know as for years I was a controller. For me though it was part and parcel of the depression I unknowingly suffered from. In order to deal with my depression I had to have everything in my life in its proper place. This included my family. Once I was diagnosed properly for depression I was also able to deal with the controlling issues I had.
Does your boyfriend suffer from depression? I can't say; first I'm not a doctor and second you haven't supplied enough information to even make an educated guess. If you can get him to agree to being screened for depression by his doctor that would be a good thing.
Otherwise he needs to admit he has control issues and be willing to deal with them in therapy. If not; as I said above you are being abused and you could very likely be in physical danger. This is not a good relationship to be in and you need to leave.
If you need help in leaving there are organization that will help you. If you need help in finding them write me a private message and I will supply you with their contact information.
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It sounds more like he's very opinionated and has a lot of jealousy issues. A controlling boyfriend would be someone that doesn't let you speak to anyone or someone that doesn't let you ahve a life. If he has a problem with you going out too abd he needs to respect and let you go out. If he's going to complain all the time maybe he needs to look at himself and fix somethings. As for the anger maybe he should just get help for it maybe going to see a therapist or something. If you're both unhappy in the relationship then I suggest moving on. My advice though is to remember why you got together in the first place and don't sweat the small stuff!
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